Uncle Sam and Osama decided¹ to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world.

 

Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever.

 

When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled² over toward Osama's dog.

 

Osama's dog snarled³ and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole!

 

Osama replied, "We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves!"

 

Uncle Sam said, "That's nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator⁴ look like a weenie dog."

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