A guy comes home drunk from the bar one night after watching a wonderful night of football. His wife, is of course, sleeping so he tries to sneak¹ into bed. He lies in bed for a few minutes and cuts the biggest fart you've ever heard. His wife suddenly wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"

 

With football fresh in his mind, he replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."

 

She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.

 

He yells at her, "What was that?"

 

She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."

 

Still in an extremely competitive frame of mind, he thinks, "Alright, I'm gonna fix her, real good." He lies there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. However, he tries so hard he accidentally poops in the bed!

 

The wife asks, "Now, what in the world was that?"

 

To which he replies, "Half time, switch sides."

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