A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table. The vet¹ pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's heart. "I'm so sorry; your pet duck has passed away."

 

The distressed² owner wailed³ "Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," the vet replied.

 

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma⁴ or something."

 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement⁵, the dog stood on his hind⁶ legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed⁷ the duck from top to bottom.

 

He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak⁸ to its tail and back again.

 

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

 

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

 

The vet shrugged⁹. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been twenty dollars. But, what with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it all adds up."

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