Redneck Medical Terms

• Artery¹......................The study of paintings.
• Benign²......................What you be after you be eight.
• Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
• Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
• Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
• Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
• Cauterize³...................Made eye contact with her.
• Colic.......................A sheep dog.
• Coma⁴........................A punctuation⁵ mark.
• D&C.........................Where Washington is.
• Dilate⁶......................To live long.
• Enema.......................Not a friend.
• Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
• Fibula......................A small lie.
• Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
• G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
• Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
• Impotent....................Distinguished⁷, well known.
• Labor⁸ Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
• Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane⁹.
• Morbid¹⁰......................A higher offer than I bid.
• Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
• Node........................I knew it.
• Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
• Pap Smear¹¹...................A fatherhood test.
• Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
• Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
• Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
• Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
• Secretion¹²...................Hiding something
• Seizure¹³.....................Roman emperor.
• Tablet......................A small table.
• Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
• Tumor¹⁴.......................More than one.
• Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
• Varicose....................Near by