A man was driving home late one night and was feeling very horny. As he was passing a pumpkin¹ patch, his mind started to wander. He thought to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around for miles. He pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a nice, juicy looking pumpkin, cut the appropriate size hole in it, and began to screw the pumpkin. After a while he really got into it, and didn't notice the police car pulling up.

The cop walked over and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

The man looked at the cop in complete horror, thought fast and said, "A pumpkin? My goodness, is it midnight already?"