Defense¹ Attorney: "Would you please state your age to the court for the record."

Little Old Lady: "I am 86 years old."

Defense Attorney: "Will you tell us in your own words, what happened to you on the night in question."

Little Old Lady: "There I was sitting on my porch swing on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up the porch stairs and sits down beside me."

Defense Attorney: "Did you know him?"

Little Old Lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."

Defense Attorney: "Then what happened after he sat down beside you?"

Little Old Lady: "Well, he started to rub my thighs²."

Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him?"

Little Old Lady: "No, I didn't."

Defense Lawyer: "Why not?"

Little Old Lady: "It felt good. Nobody has done that since my Dan passed away 30 years ago."

Defense Attorney: "Then what happened?"

Little Old Lady: "He started to rub my breasts."

Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him then?"

Little Old Lady: "No"

Defense Attorney: "Why not?"

Little Old Lady: "Well your honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn't felt that good in years."

Defense Attorney: "What happened next?"

Little Old Lady: "Well, I started to feel so spicy³ that I said to him, "Take me young man".

Defense Attorney: "And did he take you?"

Little Old Lady: "No. That's when he yelled April Fool!.. And that's when I shot him."