Why was the centipede late?
Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie talkie!

What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with chilblains!

What has 50 legs but cant walk?
Half a centipede!

What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
A sentrypede!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

What did one centipede say to the other centipede?
You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
He took too long to put his boots on!

What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
A centipede with athlete's foot!

What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg!