Test2

 

"The media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."

 

6

For our grandparents it occurred through films and books.  For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionary music.  No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent¹, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.

 

During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future.  The once steadfast² beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged.  From where was all this rebellion stemming?  Partly it was due to the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war.  Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval³ that America experienced.  There had to be another cause, and there was, the media.  Although the films of the era were silent they spoke⁴ volumes to the society for which they were created.  Women in these movies  wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics⁵ to accentuate⁶ their new bobbed haircuts.  The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic⁷ attitude that America had never before experienced.  Films portrayed⁸ every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the  leisures of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade.  The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst⁹ for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating.  The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.

 

Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utalized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world.  Martin Luther King Jr.  realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights.  King urged his followers¹⁰ to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society.  By doing so, King sucessfully began to change the traditional view of race.  Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil¹² they faced at the hands of the government.  As a result, America relinquished¹³ the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well.  Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of women's rights.

 

While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism¹⁴ and gender¹⁵ it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies.  During the Nixon

 

评价

This is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished.  The writer's views on the issue are so cogent¹⁶, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized¹⁷ for failing to provide a conclusion.  What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.

 

The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines.  The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest.  The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally¹⁸ vague use of "it" ("For the baby boomers it was") effectively draw the reader in.  By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity¹⁹ of the issue ("not simply being representative??? but creating them as well") and that the writer is fully¹¹ in command of this discussion.

 

The rest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the "roaring twenties" to the "sixties and seventies."  Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references.  For example, the writer persuasively²¹ argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.

 

Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively.  Word choice is precise ("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties????" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")

 

Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women??? wore their hemlines??? shorter than the decade before them"), but they are not intrusive²².

 

Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion.  However, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.

 

 

5、

There are some who would say that the media reflects the values of society.  I believe however, that the media in fact tend to create values in a society.    The values created may be far different from the values that our society would choose to embrace.  I offer two examples that serve well to illistrate that the media can in fact shape the very moral fibers²³ in our society.

 

The first medium that comes to mind is music.   Through  music we can proclaim our love,  communicate feelings, and  express new attiudes.  Music is widely available to almost everyone in our society.  To see how music has changed the values of our society, one needs only to look  to the urban sprawl²⁴.  Rap and gangsta styles of music reach millions of  city teens and young adults.  It's message is quite simple- violence, drugs,  and sex .  Young people are constantly bombarded with the message that if you want something all you have to do is to take it.  The values of human life, respect for elders and children have been lost.  We have gangs and random²⁵ killings²⁶ in the streets of most cities in our country.  Are these my values?  They are most certainly not.  This music does not reflect the values of this society.   This music is the very core of this degradation²⁷ of our values.  How many tricked out gang cars to you see that don't have the annoying bass²⁸ rumble²⁹ of Rap music vibrating out of them?  This music is part of the persona of a whole generation of people.  It is just as much a part of their ego³⁰ as the guns, drugs, and abuse of women.  Another medium that is shaping the values of our society is advertising³¹.

 

Advertising is everywhere, on T.V., billboards³², radio, even at the ballpark.  Through advertising some vendors³³ can create "values".  To illuminate³⁴ my point I will use tobacco companies as an example.  Joe Camel has convinced  millions of young people that it is cool to smoke.  The Marlboro man has done the same.  The audience is always the same.  These ads are targeting young people.  They have created the "value" among children that it is ok for kids to smoke.  Again the values of society have been changed by a powerful media.  I'm sure there are not too many parents out there who would want their children to start smoking. Another advertising media that will surely change the values of ous society is the Internet.

 

The internet is really just  the world's largest commercial launched under the veil of access of useful information.  It will be interesting to see just how  this new network that has brought the world together will affect our values.  These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point.  I think they serve to illistrate that the media can in fact change our values.   As for me, I'll be out back smoking a  Don Lino,  on a beautiful trout³⁵ stream while sipping³⁶ a cold beer, waiting for the trout to rise and hoping a couple of those girls from the Coors commercial show up.

 

评价

 

This is a well-developed response.  The four-paragraph organizational structure serves as a useful framework for the writer to develop a position on the issue.

 

The opening paragraph presents the writer's position ("media in fact tend to create values in a society") and announces the plan to present two examples to support that position.

 

As promised, two examples (music and advertising) follow in the next two paragraphs.  The discussion of these examples is focused, relevant, and clear.  Using vivid details and an emphatic³⁷ writing style, the writer shows how music (especially rap and gansta music) and advertising (especially cigarette ads) have negatively influenced American values.

 

The final paragraph is an extension of the advertising example, focusing on the Internet as part of the advertising system.  While the writer does little more than speculate on the influence that the Internet might have, this point does lead the reader to the writer's lively conclusion.  The vivid picture of the writer enjoying the media-defined good life ("smoking a Don Lino??? while sipping a cold beer") effectively illustrates³⁸ the writer's position that the media do, indeed, influence people in our society.

 

Overall, the reasoning is persuasive²⁰ and the examples are well chosen, but the argument lacks the insight and cogency³⁹ necessary for a score of 6.

 

The ideas in the essay are expressed clearly, although precision of language is not a strong feature.  Sentences are generally well formed, often adding "punch" to the writer's views.  Some sentences are unnecessary, especially those that belabor⁴⁰ the obvious ("These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point.  I think they serve to illistrate that the media can in fact change our values.")  Overall, however, the writing is representative of a 5 essay.

 

4、

The media does tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society.

 

One example of this observation is the fact that the media is owned, controlled and used my a segment of the population that is usually out of touch with the realities of groups within the society it covers. .  . For example, the gangster⁴¹ rappers have gained a reputation for being women hating, anti-authority, and violent.  Before, the MTV and V-H1 and CNN provided coverage⁴² to these groups, theyre were limited to street sales and specific areas that w ere not mainstream⁴³.  Thanks to national coverage in print and broadcast, these groups becaome more popular because it was "different" and taboo⁴⁴. The lyrics⁴⁵, dances, and fashion statements portrayed became big money items and surburbanited people were intrigued⁴⁶ withe this counter-culture. They began to act, talk and behave like the lyrics espressed. Continued media fenzy contributed to kids wanting to become more familiar with this culture, thereby⁴⁷ creating an atmosphere or arena⁴⁸ for this counter-culturre to legitimate⁴⁹. The media created these values but these vlaues of the gangster rapeer do not reflect the actual values of the society.

 

Another example of the media creating the values of a society is the coverage of the modeling industry. Clearly, most women neither want to or can look like Kate Moss⁵⁰.  The typical Calvin Klein male models do not appear the way most men are naturally. This look is both unhealthy and atypical of most humans. Nevertheless, thanks to the media's coverage, including magazine advocating, newspapers ads, and commercials to sell products, a large portion of this society has done everything from liposuction to becoming bullimic to attain⁵¹ a supermodel look.  If the media does not cover the indutrsy in such a manner, a growing number of people would not care about the skeletal look of kate Moss or any other unrealistic physical attrubutes that are usually genetically⁵² or surgically⁵³ produced. The media creates this image of how men and women should look thereby creating the values of this society. These values would be totally different without the media's negative influence.

 

Lastly, when  the media chooses to focus on pervers and negative, and unhealthy aspects of a society, then that part of society becomes the "values' of that society. Gangster rap or anorexic models could not possibly have made it without the media's concentrated coverage of either.

评价

 

This response presents an adequate discussion of the topic.  After a succinct⁵⁴ announcement of the writer's position on the issue, the essay presents two relevant examples to support that position: musicians ("gangster rappers") who have negatively influenced kids' behavior and superstar models who have negatively influenced people's self-image.

 

Although the examples are well chosen and support the writer抯 position, they are not always clearly explained.  For example, the writer claims that "most women neither want to nor can look like Kate Moss" but then contradicts that claim by explaining that "a large portion of this society has done everything from liposuction to becoming bullimic to attain a supermodel look."

 

In general, the vocabulary is clear, but not particularly precise.  The sentences are formed correctly, but they lack effective variety.  Grammatical and mechanical errors occur, but they do not seriously interfere⁵⁵.  In almost every way, this essay is a typical 4 response.

 

3、

The values of society have have changed so much during most recent years.  Many of these values have changed for the worst.  The media has been the vehicle that has taken us through these changes.  The media has created so many avenues for us to take to find so many of these changes.  They have created the avenues that children and young adults feel that they have to take.

 

Many years ago reporters and writers were telling us of all the good things that were happening in the world.  You could walk into a store and eventhough there was a war going on, we would read about the soldier that left his family to fight for his country.  Nowadays you walk into a store, read a book , or watch a T.V. show, and see all of the things that are happening in a very negative world.

 

The media is creating a society that sayt that it is O.K. for a man to wear earrings⁵⁶.  That it is O.K. that marijuana is being legalized, that it is O.K. for juveniles⁵⁸ to break the law.  Why does not the media show us a professional male athlete that is also a family man?  Why doesn't the author of a book or a reporter of a newspaper tell us about all of the bad things that happen to drug users and pushers?  Why do the T.V. shows tell juveniles that all they get for breaking the law is a slap on the hands?

　

 

Society will be better off if the media would say, "Hey children, professional  athletes can be good parents"!   This would have a positive effect on the younger generation.

 

The media should do a better job in trying to create a good, healthy environment instead of showing us all of the bad stuff in our society.  The media should show all young people the awful things that happen in juvenile⁵⁷ hall, but that would be an infringement⁵⁹ on the residents of the hall. Where are the rights of the people that they did not treat right?

 

Yes, the media is creating a bad influence in todays young people.  But I believe that everything in the media can be overcome and ignored.  We need to raise our children right.

 

评价

This response is simplistic in its analysis of the issue.  The writer has much to say about the negative influence of media on children, arguing that the media "should do a better job in trying to create a good, healthy environment."  However, the writer never seems to consider the complexities⁶⁰ of the issue -- for example, whether, or to what extent, the topic's claim is accurate, or whether today's media can have a positive influence, or whether society has any influence on the media.

 

Also, some of the statements are not convincing.  For example, when the writer asks, "Why do the T.V. shows tell juveniles that all they get for breaking the law is a slap on the hands?", many readers will immediately think of contradictory⁶¹ examples.  The depth of thought is not sufficient for this essay to earn a score higher than 3.

 

There are problems in expression, as well.  More precise language would express ideas more clearly, (e.g., "see all the things," "the bad stuff in our society," and "the awful things," and transitional phrases would help connect several important ideas whose relationship is unclear (e.g., "But I believe that everything in the media can be overcome and ignored.  We need to raise our children right").

 

2、

"The media tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society", is true because society allow the media to pusrue this in such a way.

 

The American culture as a whole lives through the pulse of the media world and is enthralled⁶² by movies, lyrics and film.  Because of the nature by which our society is dependant⁶³ on the media, the media is able to create any senses of values adaptable⁶⁴ by our society.

 

This is not to say that the media is solely⁶⁵ responsible for the values of American culture, however, our society makes this creation possible.  Although there are many who will disagree with the medias portrayal⁶⁶ of many issues, our society as a whole fuels the fire to which the media thrives on.  For the most part, books, films and music are produced to sell and the media knows to which audience they are targetting.

 

The way in which a culture enable the media to create it's values, ultimately reflects the values of a society.

 

评价

 

This is a seriously flawed response to the topic because the reasoning is weak and the ideas are unclear.

 

The writer's position on the issue seems clear enough, but the essay presents few reasons to support that position.  And even those reasons are not explained clearly.  For example, the writer often refers to the means by which the media influence society (e.g., "such a way," "the nature by which," and "the way in which") but fails to explain what those ideas mean or why they are important.

 

The reasoning is both seriously limited and unclear.

 

Problems in word choice frequently trip up the reader.  For example, "our society as a whole fuels the fire to which the media thrives on" is an interesting idea, but the reader has to hesitate at the intrusive "to which."  The same is true of this statement: "the media is able to create any senses of values adaptable by our society."

 

Also, many basic errors occur throughout the essay: subject-verb agreement (first and last paragraphs), comma splice⁶⁷ (third paragraph), "medias'" for "media's" (third paragraph), and "it's" for "its" (last paragraph).

 

Both the lack of clear reasons and the poor use of language keep this essay at the 2 score level.

 

1、

The media is important and there are commercials for business reasons and news and entertainment.

 

For media to become mainstream, it must appeal to many people. The values expressed must be attractive to the audience, otherwise it will not sell. Example of specific media - Televison:

 

Television  rates each show by the number of viewers.  Shows that do not have a large audience are usually cancelled and then they can allow time for a new show.  Successful shows are duplicated.  For example, Star Trek⁶⁸ was successful so it is the creation of many new Star Trek shows (Deep Space Nine, Voyager).  Veiwers decide which shows stay or leave.  What makes a successful or unsuccessful show?  Usually if the audience can identify with an actor, or situation, etc. the show will gain popularity.  Special effects make shows more interesting; but, if the plot is not acceptable, the show is usually doomed⁶⁹.

 

 

评价

This essay does not analyze⁷⁰ the issue.  Unlike many other essays at the 1 score level, this response is fairly easy to read and has, more or less, an overall coherence⁷¹.  The writer's position is that media have to "appeal to many people" in order "to become mainstream," and the brief discussion supports that position.  The essay was scored a 1 because it does not address the basic issue presented in the topic: do the media create or reflect the values of a society?

 

Readers are told to read supportively, but when a writer merely writes about something in the topic (in this case, "the media") and ignores the issue, the response will probably not earn higher than a 1.  Similarly, an essay that discusses only "values" (religion, for example, with no reference to media) or "a favorite television show" (with no reference to how television reflects or influences people's values), no matter how well written, could not earn a very high score.

 

The sentences are generally coherent, and the errors do not seriously interfere with meaning.  It is not the control of syntax or conventions per se that keeps this essay at the 1 level but, as noted⁷² above, the inability of the writer to clearly address the issue.

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