Microsoft gets church_宗教笑话

Microsoft gets church

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-01-23 07:26 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

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MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint¹ press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples² and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals³, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."

Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory⁴ -- all without leaving your home."

A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian⁵ Don Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.

Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.

"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene."

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing⁶ it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame⁷ theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted⁸ by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing⁹ arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects were instilled¹⁰ with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several denominations¹¹, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop¹² and in every home".

Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation¹³. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces¹⁴ according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.

The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers¹⁵ and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble¹⁶ to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.

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收听单词发音

1 joint
adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合
参考例句：
I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。 We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

2 maples
槭树，枫树( maple的名词复数 )；槭木
参考例句：
There are many maples in the park. 公园里有好多枫树。 The wind of the autumn colour the maples carmine . 秋风给枫林涂抹胭红。

3 cardinals
红衣主教( cardinal的名词复数 )；红衣凤头鸟（见于北美，雄鸟为鲜红色）；基数
参考例句：
cardinals in scarlet robes 身披红袍的枢机主教 A conclave of cardinals was held to elect the new Pope. 红衣主教团举行了秘密会议来选举新教皇。

4 purgatory
n.炼狱；苦难；adj.净化的，清洗的
参考例句：
Every step of the last three miles was purgatory.最后3英里时每一步都像是受罪。 Marriage,with peace,is this world's paradise;with strife,this world's purgatory.和谐的婚姻是尘世的乐园，不和谐的婚姻则是人生的炼狱。

5 comedian
n.喜剧演员；滑稽演员
参考例句：
The comedian tickled the crowd with his jokes.喜剧演员的笑话把人们逗乐了。 The comedian enjoyed great popularity during the 30's.那位喜剧演员在三十年代非常走红。

6 marketing
n.行销，在市场的买卖，买东西
参考例句：
They are developing marketing network.他们正在发展销售网络。 He often goes marketing.他经常去市场做生意。

7 dame
n.女士
参考例句：
The dame tell of her experience as a wife and mother.这位年长妇女讲了她作妻子和母亲的经验。 If you stick around,you'll have to marry that dame.如果再逗留多一会，你就要跟那个夫人结婚。

8 touted
v.兜售( tout的过去式和过去分词 )；招揽；侦查；探听赛马情报
参考例句：
She's being touted as the next leader of the party. 她被吹捧为该党的下一任领导人。 People said that he touted for his mother and sister. 据说，他给母亲和姐姐拉生意。来自辞典例句

9 licensing
v.批准，许可，颁发执照( license的现在分词 )
参考例句：
A large part of state regulation consists of occupational licensing. 大部分州的管理涉及行业的特许批准。来自英汉非文学 - 行政法 That licensing procedures for projects would move faster. 这样的工程批准程序一定会加快。来自辞典例句

10 instilled
v.逐渐使某人获得（某种可取的品质），逐步灌输( instill的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
Nature has instilled in our minds an insatiable desire to see truth. 自然给我们心灵注入了永无休止的发现真理的欲望。来自辞典例句 I instilled the need for kindness into my children. 我不断向孩子们灌输仁慈的必要。来自辞典例句

11 denominations
n.宗派( denomination的名词复数 )；教派；面额；名称
参考例句：
Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。 The service was attended by Christians of all denominations. 这次礼拜仪式各教派的基督徒都参加了。来自《简明英汉词典》

12 desktop
n.桌面管理系统程序；台式
参考例句：
My computer is a desktop computer of excellent quality.我的计算机是品质卓越的台式计算机。 Do you know which one is better,a laptop or a desktop?你知道哪一种更好，笔记本还是台式机？

13 emulation
n.竞争；仿效
参考例句：
The young man worked hard in emulation of his famous father.这位年轻人努力工作，要迎头赶上他出名的父亲。 His spirit of assiduous study is worthy of emulation.他刻苦钻研的精神，值得效法。

14 interfaces
界面( interface的名词复数 )；接口（连接两装置的电路，可使数据从一种代码转换成另一种代码）；交界；联系
参考例句：
If the class needs to be reprogrammed, new interfaces are created. 如果class需要重新程序设计，新的interfaces创建。 Interfaces solve this problem of evolving code. Interfaces解决了代码升级的问题。

15 mergers
n.（两个公司的）合并( merger的名词复数 )
参考例句：
Mergers fall into three categories: horizontal, vertical, and conglomerate. 合并分为以下三种：横向合并，纵向合并和混合合并。来自辞典例句 Many recent mergers are concentrated within specific industries, particularly in retailing, airlines and communications. 现代许多合并企业集中进行某些特定业务，在零售业、民航和通讯业中更是如此。来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件

16 scramble
v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料
参考例句：
He broke his leg in his scramble down the wall.他爬墙摔断了腿。 It was a long scramble to the top of the hill.到山顶须要爬登一段长路。

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