Of Human Bondage 人性的枷锁 Chapter 75
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Next day Philip was in a good temper. He was very anxious not to bore Mildred with too much of his society, and so had arranged that he should not see her till dinner-time. She was ready when he fetched her, and he chaffed her for her unwonted punctuality. She was wearing a new dress he had given her. He remarked on its smartness.
'It'll have to go back and be altered,' she said. 'The skirt hangs all wrong.'
'You'll have to make the dressmaker hurry up if you want to take it to Paris with you.'
'It'll be ready in time for that.'
'Only three more whole days. We'll go over by the eleven o'clock, shall we?'
'If you like.'
He would have her for nearly a month entirely1 to himself. His eyes rested on her with hungry adoration2. He was able to laugh a little at his own passion.
'I wonder what it is I see in you,' he smiled.
'That's a nice thing to say,' she answered.
Her body was so thin that one could almost see her skeleton. Her chest was as flat as a boy's. Her mouth, with its narrow pale lips, was ugly, and her skin was faintly green.
'I shall give you Blaud's Pills in quantities when we're away,' said Philip, laughing. 'I'm going to bring you back fat and rosy3.'
'I don't want to get fat,' she said.
She did not speak of Griffiths, and presently while they were dining Philip half in malice4, for he felt sure of himself and his power over her, said:
'It seems to me you were having a great flirtation5 with Harry6 last night?'
'I told you I was in love with him,' she laughed.
'I'm glad to know that he's not in love with you.'
'How d'you know?'
'I asked him.'
She hesitated a moment, looking at Philip, and a curious gleam came into her eyes.
'Would you like to read a letter I had from him this morning?'
She handed him an envelope and Philip recognised Griffiths' bold, legible writing. There were eight pages. It was well written, frank and charming; it was the letter of a man who was used to making love to women. He told Mildred that he loved her passionately7, he had fallen in love with her the first moment he saw her; he did not want to love her, for he knew how fond Philip was of her, but he could not help himself. Philip was such a dear, and he was very much ashamed of himself, but it was not his fault, he was just carried away. He paid her delightful8 compliments. Finally he thanked her for consenting to lunch with him next day and said he was dreadfully impatient to see her. Philip noticed that the letter was dated the night before; Griffiths must have written it after leaving Philip, and had taken the trouble to go out and post it when Philip thought he was in bed.
He read it with a sickening palpitation of his heart, but gave no outward sign of surprise. He handed it back to Mildred with a smile, calmly.
'Did you enjoy your lunch?'
'Rather,' she said emphatically.
He felt that his hands were trembling, so he put them under the table.
'You mustn't take Griffiths too seriously. He's just a butterfly, you know.'
She took the letter and looked at it again.
'I can't help it either,' she said, in a voice which she tried to make nonchalant. 'I don't know what's come over me.'
'It's a little awkward for me, isn't it?' said Philip.
She gave him a quick look.
'You're taking it pretty calmly, I must say.'
'What do you expect me to do? Do you want me to tear out my hair in handfuls?'
'I knew you'd be angry with me.'
'The funny thing is, I'm not at all. I ought to have known this would happen. I was a fool to bring you together. I know perfectly9 well that he's got every advantage over me; he's much jollier, and he's very handsome, he's more amusing, he can talk to you about the things that interest you.'
'I don't know what you mean by that. If I'm not clever I can't help it, but I'm not the fool you think I am, not by a long way, I can tell you. You're a bit too superior for me, my young friend.'
'D'you want to quarrel with me?' he asked mildly.
'No, but I don't see why you should treat me as if I was I don't know what.'
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just wanted to talk things over quietly. We don't want to make a mess of them if we can help it. I saw you were attracted by him and it seemed to me very natural. The only thing that really hurts me is that he should have encouraged you. He knew how awfully10 keen I was on you. I think it's rather shabby of him to have written that letter to you five minutes after he told me he didn't care twopence about you.'
'If you think you're going to make me like him any the less by saying nasty things about him, you're mistaken.'
Philip was silent for a moment. He did not know what words he could use to make her see his point of view. He wanted to speak coolly and deliberately11, but he was in such a turmoil12 of emotion that he could not clear his thoughts.
'It's not worth while sacrificing everything for an infatuation that you know can't last. After all, he doesn't care for anyone more than ten days, and you're rather cold; that sort of thing doesn't mean very much to you.'
'That's what you think.'
She made it more difficult for him by adopting a cantankerous13 tone.
'If you're in love with him you can't help it. I'll just bear it as best I can. We get on very well together, you and I, and I've not behaved badly to you, have I? I've always known that you're not in love with me, but you like me all right, and when we get over to Paris you'll forget about Griffiths. If you make up your mind to put him out of your thoughts you won't find it so hard as all that, and I've deserved that you should do something for me.'
She did not answer, and they went on eating their dinner. When the silence grew oppressive Philip began to talk of indifferent things. He pretended not to notice that Mildred was inattentive. Her answers were perfunctory, and she volunteered no remarks of her own. At last she interrupted abruptly14 what he was saying:
'Philip, I'm afraid I shan't be able to go away on Saturday. The doctor says I oughtn't to.'
He knew this was not true, but he answered:
'When will you be able to come away?'
She glanced at him, saw that his face was white and rigid15, and looked nervously16 away. She was at that moment a little afraid of him.
'I may as well tell you and have done with it, I can't come away with you at all.'
'I thought you were driving at that. It's too late to change your mind now. I've got the tickets and everything.'
'You said you didn't wish me to go unless I wanted it too, and I don't.'
'I've changed my mind. I'm not going to have any more tricks played with me. You must come.'
'I like you very much, Philip, as a friend. But I can't bear to think of anything else. I don't like you that way. I couldn't, Philip.'
'You were quite willing to a week ago.'
'It was different then.'
'You hadn't met Griffiths?'
'You said yourself I couldn't help it if I'm in love with him.'
Her face was set into a sulky look, and she kept her eyes fixed17 on her plate. Philip was white with rage. He would have liked to hit her in the face with his clenched18 fist, and in fancy he saw how she would look with a black eye. There were two lads of eighteen dining at a table near them, and now and then they looked at Mildred; he wondered if they envied him dining with a pretty girl; perhaps they were wishing they stood in his shoes. It was Mildred who broke the silence.
'What's the good of our going away together? I'd be thinking of him all the time. It wouldn't be much fun for you.'
'That's my business,' he answered.
She thought over all his reply implicated19, and she reddened.
'But that's just beastly.'
'What of it?'
'I thought you were a gentleman in every sense of the word.'
'You were mistaken.'
His reply entertained him, and he laughed as he said it.
'For God's sake don't laugh,' she cried. 'I can't come away with you, Philip. I'm awfully sorry. I know I haven't behaved well to you, but one can't force themselves.'
'Have you forgotten that when you were in trouble I did everything for you? I planked out the money to keep you till your baby was born, I paid for your doctor and everything, I paid for you to go to Brighton, and I'm paying for the keep of your baby, I'm paying for your clothes, I'm paying for every stitch you've got on now.'
'If you was a gentleman you wouldn't throw what you've done for me in my face.'
'Oh, for goodness' sake, shut up. What d'you suppose I care if I'm a gentleman or not? If I were a gentleman I shouldn't waste my time with a vulgar slut like you. I don't care a damn if you like me or not. I'm sick of being made a blasted fool of. You're jolly well coming to Paris with me on Saturday or you can take the consequences.'
Her cheeks were red with anger, and when she answered her voice had the hard commonness which she concealed20 generally by a genteel enunciation21.
'I never liked you, not from the beginning, but you forced yourself on me, I always hated it when you kissed me. I wouldn't let you touch me now not if I was starving.'
Philip tried to swallow the food on his plate, but the muscles of his throat refused to act. He gulped22 down something to drink and lit a cigarette. He was trembling in every part. He did not speak. He waited for her to move, but she sat in silence, staring at the white tablecloth23. If they had been alone he would have flung his arms round her and kissed her passionately; he fancied the throwing back of her long white throat as he pressed upon her mouth with his lips. They passed an hour without speaking, and at last Philip thought the waiter began to stare at them curiously24. He called for the bill.
'Shall we go?' he said then, in an even tone.
She did not reply, but gathered together her bag and her gloves. She put on her coat.
'When are you seeing Griffiths again?'
'Tomorrow,' she answered indifferently.
'You'd better talk it over with him.'
She opened her bag mechanically and saw a piece of paper in it. She took it out.
'Here's the bill for this dress,' she said hesitatingly.
'What of it?'
'I promised I'd give her the money tomorrow.'
'Did you?'
'Does that mean you won't pay for it after having told me I could get it?'
'It does.'
'I'll ask Harry,' she said, flushing quickly.
'He'll be glad to help you. He owes me seven pounds at the moment, and he pawned25 his microscope last week, because he was so broke.'
'You needn't think you can frighten me by that. I'm quite capable of earning my own living.'
'It's the best thing you can do. I don't propose to give you a farthing more.'
She thought of her rent due on Saturday and the baby's keep, but did not say anything. They left the restaurant, and in the street Philip asked her:
'Shall I call a cab for you? I'm going to take a little stroll.'
'I haven't got any money. I had to pay a bill this afternoon.'
'It won't hurt you to walk. If you want to see me tomorrow I shall be in about tea-time.'
He took off his hat and sauntered away. He looked round in a moment and saw that she was standing26 helplessly where he had left her, looking at the traffic. He went back and with a laugh pressed a coin into her hand.
'Here's two bob for you to get home with.'
Before she could speak he hurried away.


1 entirely entirely     
  • The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
  • His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
2 adoration wfhyD     
  • He gazed at her with pure adoration.他一往情深地注视着她。
  • The old lady fell down in adoration before Buddhist images.那老太太在佛像面前顶礼膜拜。
3 rosy kDAy9     
  • She got a new job and her life looks rosy.她找到一份新工作,生活看上去很美好。
  • She always takes a rosy view of life.她总是对生活持乐观态度。
4 malice P8LzW     
  • I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
  • There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。
5 flirtation 2164535d978e5272e6ed1b033acfb7d9     
  • a brief and unsuccessful flirtation with the property market 对房地产市场一时兴起、并不成功的介入
  • At recess Tom continued his flirtation with Amy with jubilant self-satisfaction. 课间休息的时候,汤姆继续和艾美逗乐,一副得意洋洋、心满意足的样子。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
6 harry heBxS     
  • Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天,人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
  • Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。
7 passionately YmDzQ4     
  • She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿,也能爱得一往情深。
  • He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。
8 delightful 6xzxT     
  • We had a delightful time by the seashore last Sunday.上星期天我们在海滨玩得真痛快。
  • Peter played a delightful melody on his flute.彼得用笛子吹奏了一支欢快的曲子。
9 perfectly 8Mzxb     
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
10 awfully MPkym     
  • Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
  • I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。
11 deliberately Gulzvq     
  • The girl gave the show away deliberately.女孩故意泄露秘密。
  • They deliberately shifted off the argument.他们故意回避这个论点。
12 turmoil CKJzj     
  • His mind was in such a turmoil that he couldn't get to sleep.内心的纷扰使他无法入睡。
  • The robbery put the village in a turmoil.抢劫使全村陷入混乱。
13 cantankerous TTuyb     
  • He met a crabbed,cantankerous director.他碰上了一位坏脾气、爱争吵的主管。
  • The cantankerous bus driver rouse on the children for singing.那个坏脾气的公共汽车司机因为孩子们唱歌而骂他们。
14 abruptly iINyJ     
  • He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
  • I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。
15 rigid jDPyf     
  • She became as rigid as adamant.她变得如顽石般的固执。
  • The examination was so rigid that nearly all aspirants were ruled out.考试很严,几乎所有的考生都被淘汰了。
16 nervously tn6zFp     
  • He bit his lip nervously,trying not to cry.他紧张地咬着唇,努力忍着不哭出来。
  • He paced nervously up and down on the platform.他在站台上情绪不安地走来走去。
17 fixed JsKzzj     
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
18 clenched clenched     
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 )
  • He clenched his fists in anger. 他愤怒地攥紧了拳头。
  • She clenched her hands in her lap to hide their trembling. 她攥紧双手放在腿上,以掩饰其颤抖。 来自《简明英汉词典》
19 implicated 8443a53107b44913ed0a3f12cadfa423     
  • These groups are very strongly implicated in the violence. 这些组织与这起暴力事件有着极大的关联。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Having the stolen goods in his possession implicated him in the robbery. 因藏有赃物使他涉有偷盗的嫌疑。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
20 concealed 0v3zxG     
  • The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
  • I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。
21 enunciation wtRzjz     
  • He is always willing to enunciate his opinions on the subject of politics. 他总是愿意对政治问题发表意见。> enunciation / I9nQnsI5eIFn; I9nQnsI`eFEn/ n [C, U]。 来自辞典例句
  • Be good at communicating,sense of responsibility,the work is careful,the enunciation is clear. 善于沟通,责任心强,工作细致,口齿清晰。 来自互联网
22 gulped 4873fe497201edc23bc8dcb50aa6eb2c     
v.狼吞虎咽地吃,吞咽( gulp的过去式和过去分词 );大口地吸(气);哽住
  • He gulped down the rest of his tea and went out. 他把剩下的茶一饮而尽便出去了。
  • She gulped nervously, as if the question bothered her. 她紧张地咽了一下,似乎那问题把她难住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
23 tablecloth lqSwh     
  • He sat there ruminating and picking at the tablecloth.他坐在那儿沉思,轻轻地抚弄着桌布。
  • She smoothed down a wrinkled tablecloth.她把起皱的桌布熨平了。
24 curiously 3v0zIc     
  • He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
  • He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。
25 pawned 4a07cbcf19a45badd623a582bf8ca213     
v.典当,抵押( pawn的过去式和过去分词 );以(某事物)担保
  • He pawned his gold watch to pay the rent. 他抵当了金表用以交租。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She has redeemed her pawned jewellery. 她赎回了当掉的珠宝。 来自《简明英汉词典》
26 standing 2hCzgo     
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
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