Put time where love is
文章来源:未知 文章作者:enread 发布时间:2011-02-13 01:25 字体: [ ]  进入论坛

During my 25 years as a marital1(婚姻的) therapist, I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over unfulfilling relationships. I have seen passion turn to poison. I have grieved with patients for the love they lost or never found.

"We seemed to love so much, but now it's gone," one woman lamented2(哀悼) to me. "Why do I feel so lonely every night even when he is right there beside me? Why can't marriage be more than this?"

It can. I was once invited to the 60th-anniversary celebration of a remarkable3 couple. I asked the husband, Peter, if he ever felt lonely and wondered where the love between him and Lita had gone. Peter laughed and said, "If you wonder where your love went, you forgot that you are the one who makes it. Love is not out there; it's in here between Lita and me."

I know we can love deeply, tenderly(温和地) and lastingly5. I have seen such love, and I have felt such love myself. Here are the law I have discovered for such lasting4 and loving relationships---put time where love is.

A fulfilling marriage begins when two people make time together their No.1 priority. If we hope to find love, we must first find time for loving.

Unfortunately, current psychology6 rests on the model of the independent ego7. To make a lasting marriage we have to overcome self-centeredness. We must go beyond what psychologist Abraham Maslow called "self-actualization" to "us-actualization". We have to learn to put time where love is.

Many couples have experienced a tragic8 moment that taught them to value their time together. One husband related how he sat trapped in his car after a crash. His wife was outside, crying and banging on the window. "I thought I was going to die before we had enough time together." He told me. "Right then I promised to make the time to love my wife. Our time is our own now, and those hours are sacred(神圣的) ."


1 marital SBixg     
  • Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
  • I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。
2 lamented b6ae63144a98bc66c6a97351aea85970     
adj.被哀悼的,令人遗憾的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 )
  • her late lamented husband 她那令人怀念的已故的丈夫
  • We lamented over our bad luck. 我们为自己的不幸而悲伤。 来自《简明英汉词典》
3 remarkable 8Vbx6     
  • She has made remarkable headway in her writing skills.她在写作技巧方面有了长足进步。
  • These cars are remarkable for the quietness of their engines.这些汽车因发动机没有噪音而不同凡响。
4 lasting IpCz02     
  • The lasting war debased the value of the dollar.持久的战争使美元贬值。
  • We hope for a lasting settlement of all these troubles.我们希望这些纠纷能获得永久的解决。
5 lastingly 8c0953228008835c514cd52e4e76289c     
  • At least seven people had been particularly and lastingly helpful to me. 至少有七个人对我有过不同寻常、影响深远的帮助。 来自互联网
  • Due to great attachment to the ecologic environment, eco-tourism must develop lastingly. 摘要生态旅游对生态环境具有非常大的依赖性,必须走可持续发展道路。 来自互联网
6 psychology U0Wze     
  • She has a background in child psychology.她受过儿童心理学的教育。
  • He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge.他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。
7 ego 7jtzw     
  • He is absolute ego in all thing.在所有的事情上他都绝对自我。
  • She has been on an ego trip since she sang on television.她上电视台唱过歌之后就一直自吹自擂。
8 tragic inaw2     
  • The effect of the pollution on the beaches is absolutely tragic.污染海滩后果可悲。
  • Charles was a man doomed to tragic issues.查理是个注定不得善终的人。
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