Of Human Bondage 人性的枷锁 Chapter 61
文章来源:未知 文章作者:enread 发布时间:2022-07-21 05:40 字体: [ ]  进入论坛
(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
He saw her then every day. He began going to lunch at the shop, but Mildred stopped him: she said it made the girls talk; so he had to content himself with tea; but he always waited about to walk with her to the station; and once or twice a week they dined together. He gave her little presents, a gold bangle, gloves, handkerchiefs, and the like. He was spending more than he could afford, but he could not help it: it was only when he gave her anything that she showed any affection. She knew the price of everything, and her gratitude1 was in exact proportion with the value of his gift. He did not care. He was too happy when she volunteered to kiss him to mind by what means he got her demonstrativeness. He discovered that she found Sundays at home tedious, so he went down to Herne Hill in the morning, met her at the end of the road, and went to church with her.
 
'I always like to go to church once,' she said. 'it looks well, doesn't it?'
 
Then she went back to dinner, he got a scrappy meal at a hotel, and in the afternoon they took a walk in Brockwell Park. They had nothing much to say to one another, and Philip, desperately2 afraid she was bored (she was very easily bored), racked his brain for topics of conversation. He realised that these walks amused neither of them, but he could not bear to leave her, and did all he could to lengthen3 them till she became tired and out of temper. He knew that she did not care for him, and he tried to force a love which his reason told him was not in her nature: she was cold. He had no claim on her, but he could not help being exacting4. Now that they were more intimate he found it less easy to control his temper; he was often irritable5 and could not help saying bitter things. Often they quarrelled, and she would not speak to him for a while; but this always reduced him to subjection, and he crawled before her. He was angry with himself for showing so little dignity. He grew furiously jealous if he saw her speaking to any other man in the shop, and when he was jealous he seemed to be beside himself. He would deliberately6 insult her, leave the shop and spend afterwards a sleepless7 night tossing on his bed, by turns angry and remorseful8. Next day he would go to the shop and appeal for forgiveness.
 
'Don't be angry with me,' he said. 'I'm so awfully9 fond of you that I can't help myself.'
 
'One of these days you'll go too far,' she answered.
 
He was anxious to come to her home in order that the greater intimacy10 should give him an advantage over the stray acquaintances she made during her working-hours; but she would not let him.
 
'My aunt would think it so funny,' she said.
 
He suspected that her refusal was due only to a disinclination to let him see her aunt. Mildred had represented her as the widow of a professional man (that was her formula of distinction), and was uneasily conscious that the good woman could hardly be called distinguished11. Philip imagined that she was in point of fact the widow of a small tradesman. He knew that Mildred was a snob12. But he found no means by which he could indicate to her that he did not mind how common the aunt was.
 
Their worst quarrel took place one evening at dinner when she told him that a man had asked her to go to a play with him. Philip turned pale, and his face grew hard and stern.
 
'You're not going?' he said.
 
'Why shouldn't I? He's a very nice gentlemanly fellow.'
 
'I'll take you anywhere you like.'
 
'But that isn't the same thing. I can't always go about with you. Besides he's asked me to fix my own day, and I'll just go one evening when I'm not going out with you. It won't make any difference to you.'
 
'If you had any sense of decency13, if you had any gratitude, you wouldn't dream of going.'
 
'I don't know what you mean by gratitude. if you're referring to the things you've given me you can have them back. I don't want them.'
 
Her voice had the shrewish tone it sometimes got.
 
'It's not very lively, always going about with you. It's always do you love me, do you love me, till I just get about sick of it.'
 
(He knew it was madness to go on asking her that, but he could not help himself.
 
'Oh, I like you all right,' she would answer.
 
'Is that all? I love you with all my heart.'
 
'I'm not that sort, I'm not one to say much.'
 
'If you knew how happy just one word would make me!'
 
'Well, what I always say is, people must take me as they find me, and if they don't like it they can lump it.'
 
But sometimes she expressed herself more plainly still, and, when he asked the question, answered:
 
'Oh, don't go on at that again.'
 
Then he became sulky and silent. He hated her.)
 
And now he said:
 
'Oh, well, if you feel like that about it I wonder you condescend14 to come out with me at all.'
 
'It's not my seeking, you can be very sure of that, you just force me to.'
 
His pride was bitterly hurt, and he answered madly.
 
'You think I'm just good enough to stand you dinners and theatres when there's no one else to do it, and when someone else turns up I can go to hell. Thank you, I'm about sick of being made a convenience.'
 
'I'm not going to be talked to like that by anyone. I'll just show you how much I want your dirty dinner.'
 
She got up, put on her jacket, and walked quickly out of the restaurant. Philip sat on. He determined15 he would not move, but ten minutes afterwards he jumped in a cab and followed her. He guessed that she would take a 'bus to Victoria, so that they would arrive about the same time. He saw her on the platform, escaped her notice, and went down to Herne Hill in the same train. He did not want to speak to her till she was on the way home and could not escape him.
 
As soon as she had turned out of the main street, brightly lit and noisy with traffic, he caught her up.
 
'Mildred,' he called.
 
She walked on and would neither look at him nor answer. He repeated her name. Then she stopped and faced him.
 
'What d'you want? I saw you hanging about Victoria. Why don't you leave me alone?'
 
'I'm awfully sorry. Won't you make it up?'
 
'No, I'm sick of your temper and your jealousy16. I don't care for you, I never have cared for you, and I never shall care for you. I don't want to have anything more to do with you.'
 
She walked on quickly, and he had to hurry to keep up with her.
 
'You never make allowances for me,' he said. 'It's all very well to be jolly and amiable17 when you're indifferent to anyone. It's very hard when you're as much in love as I am. Have mercy on me. I don't mind that you don't care for me. After all you can't help it. I only want you to let me love you.'
 
She walked on, refusing to speak, and Philip saw with agony that they had only a few hundred yards to go before they reached her house. He abased18 himself. He poured out an incoherent story of love and penitence19.
 
'If you'll only forgive me this time I promise you you'll never have to complain of me in future. You can go out with whoever you choose. I'll be only too glad if you'll come with me when you've got nothing better to do.'
 
She stopped again, for they had reached the corner at which he always left her.
 
'Now you can take yourself off. I won't have you coming up to the door.'
 
'I won't go till you say you'll forgive me.'
 
'I'm sick and tired of the whole thing.'
 
He hesitated a moment, for he had an instinct that he could say something that would move her. It made him feel almost sick to utter the words.
 
'It is cruel, I have so much to put up with. You don't know what it is to be a cripple. Of course you don't like me. I can't expect you to.'
 
'Philip, I didn't mean that,' she answered quickly, with a sudden break of pity in her voice. 'You know it's not true.'
 
He was beginning to act now, and his voice was husky and low.
 
'Oh, I've felt it,' he said.
 
She took his hand and looked at him, and her own eyes were filled with tears.
 
'I promise you it never made any difference to me. I never thought about it after the first day or two.'
 
He kept a gloomy, tragic20 silence. He wanted her to think he was overcome with emotion.
 
'You know I like you awfully, Philip. Only you are so trying sometimes. Let's make it up.'
 
She put up her lips to his, and with a sigh of relief he kissed her.
 
'Now are you happy again?' she asked.
 
'Madly"
 
She bade him good-night and hurried down the road. Next day he took her in a little watch with a brooch to pin on her dress. She had been hankering for it.
 
But three or four days later, when she brought him his tea, Mildred said to him:
 
'You remember what you promised the other night? You mean to keep that, don't you?'
 
'Yes.'
 
He knew exactly what she meant and was prepared for her next words.
 
'Because I'm going out with that gentleman I told you about tonight.'
 
'All right. I hope you'll enjoy yourself.'
 
'You don't mind, do you?'
 
He had himself now under excellent control.
 
'I don't like it,' he smiled, 'but I'm not going to make myself more disagreeable than I can help.'
 
She was excited over the outing and talked about it willingly. Philip wondered whether she did so in order to pain him or merely because she was callous21. He was in the habit of condoning22 her cruelty by the thought of her stupidity. She had not the brains to see when she was wounding him.
 
'It's not much fun to be in love with a girl who has no imagination and no sense of humour,' he thought, as he listened.
 
But the want of these things excused her. He felt that if he had not realised this he could never forgive her for the pain she caused him.
 
'He's got seats for the Tivoli,' she said. 'He gave me my choice and I chose that. And we're going to dine at the Cafe Royal. He says it's the most expensive place in London.'
 
'He's a gentleman in every sense of the word,' thought Philip, but he clenched23 his teeth to prevent himself from uttering a syllable24.
 
Philip went to the Tivoli and saw Mildred with her companion, a smooth-faced young man with sleek25 hair and the spruce look of a commercial traveller, sitting in the second row of the stalls. Mildred wore a black picture hat with ostrich26 feathers in it, which became her well. She was listening to her host with that quiet smile which Philip knew; she had no vivacity27 of expression, and it required broad farce28 to excite her laughter; but Philip could see that she was interested and amused. He thought to himself bitterly that her companion, flashy and jovial29, exactly suited her. Her sluggish30 temperament31 made her appreciate noisy people. Philip had a passion for discussion, but no talent for small-talk. He admired the easy drollery32 of which some of his friends were masters, Lawson for instance, and his sense of inferiority made him shy and awkward. The things which interested him bored Mildred. She expected men to talk about football and racing33, and he knew nothing of either. He did not know the catchwords which only need be said to excite a laugh.
 
Printed matter had always been a fetish to Philip, and now, in order to make himself more interesting, he read industriously34 The Sporting Times.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激,感谢
参考例句:
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
2 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地
参考例句:
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
3 lengthen n34y1     
vt.使伸长,延长
参考例句:
  • He asked the tailor to lengthen his coat.他请裁缝把他的外衣放长些。
  • The teacher told her to lengthen her paper out.老师让她把论文加长。
4 exacting VtKz7e     
adj.苛求的,要求严格的
参考例句:
  • He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision.他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
  • The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed.随着时间的推移,公众的要求更趋严格。
5 irritable LRuzn     
adj.急躁的;过敏的;易怒的
参考例句:
  • He gets irritable when he's got toothache.他牙一疼就很容易发脾气。
  • Our teacher is an irritable old lady.She gets angry easily.我们的老师是位脾气急躁的老太太。她很容易生气。
6 deliberately Gulzvq     
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地
参考例句:
  • The girl gave the show away deliberately.女孩故意泄露秘密。
  • They deliberately shifted off the argument.他们故意回避这个论点。
7 sleepless oiBzGN     
adj.不睡眠的,睡不著的,不休息的
参考例句:
  • The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
  • One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上,我听说了一个传闻,把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。
8 remorseful IBBzo     
adj.悔恨的
参考例句:
  • He represented to the court that the accused was very remorseful.他代被告向法庭陈情说被告十分懊悔。
  • The minister well knew--subtle,but remorseful hypocrite that he was!牧师深知这一切——他是一个多么难以捉摸又懊悔不迭的伪君子啊!
9 awfully MPkym     
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地
参考例句:
  • Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
  • I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。
10 intimacy z4Vxx     
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行
参考例句:
  • His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切,这有点言过其实。
  • I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。
11 distinguished wu9z3v     
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的
参考例句:
  • Elephants are distinguished from other animals by their long noses.大象以其长长的鼻子显示出与其他动物的不同。
  • A banquet was given in honor of the distinguished guests.宴会是为了向贵宾们致敬而举行的。
12 snob YFMzo     
n.势利小人,自以为高雅、有学问的人
参考例句:
  • Going to a private school had made her a snob.上私立学校后,她变得很势利。
  • If you think that way, you are a snob already.如果你那样想的话,你已经是势利小人了。
13 decency Jxzxs     
n.体面,得体,合宜,正派,庄重
参考例句:
  • His sense of decency and fair play made him refuse the offer.他的正直感和公平竞争意识使他拒绝了这一提议。
  • Your behaviour is an affront to public decency.你的行为有伤风化。
14 condescend np7zo     
v.俯就,屈尊;堕落,丢丑
参考例句:
  • Would you condescend to accompany me?你肯屈尊陪我吗?
  • He did not condescend to answer.He turned his back on me.他不愿屈尊回答我的问题。他不理睬我。
15 determined duszmP     
adj.坚定的;有决心的
参考例句:
  • I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
  • He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。
16 jealousy WaRz6     
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌
参考例句:
  • Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
  • I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。
17 amiable hxAzZ     
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的
参考例句:
  • She was a very kind and amiable old woman.她是个善良和气的老太太。
  • We have a very amiable companionship.我们之间存在一种友好的关系。
18 abased 931ad90519e026728bcd37308549d5ff     
使谦卑( abase的过去式和过去分词 ); 使感到羞耻; 使降低(地位、身份等); 降下
参考例句:
  • His moral force was abased into more than childish weakness. 他的精神力量已经衰颓,低得不如孩子。 来自英汉文学 - 红字
  • He is self-abased because of unluck he meets with. 他因遭不幸而自卑。
19 penitence guoyu     
n.忏悔,赎罪;悔过
参考例句:
  • The thief expressed penitence for all his past actions. 那盗贼对他犯过的一切罪恶表示忏悔。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • Of penitence, there has been none! 可是悔过呢,还一点没有! 来自英汉文学 - 红字
20 tragic inaw2     
adj.悲剧的,悲剧性的,悲惨的
参考例句:
  • The effect of the pollution on the beaches is absolutely tragic.污染海滩后果可悲。
  • Charles was a man doomed to tragic issues.查理是个注定不得善终的人。
21 callous Yn9yl     
adj.无情的,冷淡的,硬结的,起老茧的
参考例句:
  • He is callous about the safety of his workers.他对他工人的安全毫不关心。
  • She was selfish,arrogant and often callous.她自私傲慢,而且往往冷酷无情。
22 condoning 363997b8d741b81bc5d3bbd4cc3c3b74     
v.容忍,宽恕,原谅( condone的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • I'm not condoning what he did, all right? 我并不是宽恕他的所作所为,好吗? 来自电影对白
  • Communist Party conservatives abhor the idea of condoning explicIt'sex. 党内的保守势力痛恨对赤裸性爱内容的宽容。 来自互联网
23 clenched clenched     
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He clenched his fists in anger. 他愤怒地攥紧了拳头。
  • She clenched her hands in her lap to hide their trembling. 她攥紧双手放在腿上,以掩饰其颤抖。 来自《简明英汉词典》
24 syllable QHezJ     
n.音节;vt.分音节
参考例句:
  • You put too much emphasis on the last syllable.你把最后一个音节读得太重。
  • The stress on the last syllable is light.最后一个音节是轻音节。
25 sleek zESzJ     
adj.光滑的,井然有序的;v.使光滑,梳拢
参考例句:
  • Women preferred sleek,shiny hair with little decoration.女士们更喜欢略加修饰的光滑闪亮型秀发。
  • The horse's coat was sleek and glossy.这匹马全身润泽有光。
26 ostrich T4vzg     
n.鸵鸟
参考例句:
  • Ostrich is the fastest animal on two legs.驼鸟是双腿跑得最快的动物。
  • The ostrich indeed inhabits continents.鸵鸟确实是生活在大陆上的。
27 vivacity ZhBw3     
n.快活,活泼,精神充沛
参考例句:
  • Her charm resides in her vivacity.她的魅力存在于她的活泼。
  • He was charmed by her vivacity and high spirits.她的活泼与兴高采烈的情绪把他迷住了。
28 farce HhlzS     
n.闹剧,笑剧,滑稽戏;胡闹
参考例句:
  • They played a shameful role in this farce.他们在这场闹剧中扮演了可耻的角色。
  • The audience roared at the farce.闹剧使观众哄堂大笑。
29 jovial TabzG     
adj.快乐的,好交际的
参考例句:
  • He seemed jovial,but his eyes avoided ours.他显得很高兴,但他的眼光却避开了我们的眼光。
  • Grandma was plump and jovial.祖母身材圆胖,整天乐呵呵的。
30 sluggish VEgzS     
adj.懒惰的,迟钝的,无精打采的
参考例句:
  • This humid heat makes you feel rather sluggish.这种湿热的天气使人感到懒洋洋的。
  • Circulation is much more sluggish in the feet than in the hands.脚部的循环比手部的循环缓慢得多。
31 temperament 7INzf     
n.气质,性格,性情
参考例句:
  • The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
  • Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。
32 drollery 0r5xm     
n.开玩笑,说笑话;滑稽可笑的图画(或故事、小戏等)
参考例句:
  • We all enjoyed his drollery. 我们都欣赏他的幽默。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • "It is a bit of quiet, unassuming drollery which warms like good wine. "这是一段既不哗众取宠又不矫揉造作的滑稽表演,像美酒一样温馨。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
33 racing 1ksz3w     
n.竞赛,赛马;adj.竞赛用的,赛马用的
参考例句:
  • I was watching the racing on television last night.昨晚我在电视上看赛马。
  • The two racing drivers fenced for a chance to gain the lead.两个赛车手伺机竞相领先。
34 industriously f43430e7b5117654514f55499de4314a     
参考例句:
  • She paces the whole class in studying English industriously. 她在刻苦学习英语上给全班同学树立了榜样。
  • He industriously engages in unostentatious hard work. 他勤勤恳恳,埋头苦干。
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