Of Human Bondage 人性的枷锁 Chapter 46
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Philip did not find living in Paris as cheap as he had been led to believe and by February had spent most of the money with which he started. He was too proud to appeal to his guardian1, nor did he wish Aunt Louisa to know that his circumstances were straitened, since he was certain she would make an effort to send him something from her own pocket, and he knew how little she could afford to. In three months he would attain2 his majority and come into possession of his small fortune. He tided over the interval3 by selling the few trinkets which he had inherited from his father.
 
At about this time Lawson suggested that they should take a small studio which was vacant in one of the streets that led out of the Boulevard Raspail. It was very cheap. It had a room attached, which they could use as a bed-room; and since Philip was at the school every morning Lawson could have the undisturbed use of the studio then; Lawson, after wandering from school to school, had come to the conclusion that he could work best alone, and proposed to get a model in three or four days a week. At first Philip hesitated on account of the expense, but they reckoned it out; and it seemed (they were so anxious to have a studio of their own that they calculated pragmatically) that the cost would not be much greater than that of living in a hotel. Though the rent and the cleaning by the concierge4 would come to a little more, they would save on the petit dejeuner, which they could make themselves. A year or two earlier Philip would have refused to share a room with anyone, since he was so sensitive about his deformed6 foot, but his morbid7 way of looking at it was growing less marked: in Paris it did not seem to matter so much, and, though he never by any chance forgot it himself, he ceased to feel that other people were constantly noticing it.
 
They moved in, bought a couple of beds, a washing-stand, a few chairs, and felt for the first time the thrill of possession. They were so excited that the first night they went to bed in what they could call a home they lay awake talking till three in the morning; and next day found lighting8 the fire and making their own coffee, which they had in pyjamas9, such a jolly business that Philip did not get to Amitrano's till nearly eleven. He was in excellent spirits. He nodded to Fanny Price.
 
'How are you getting on?' he asked cheerily.
 
'What does that matter to you?' she asked in reply.
 
Philip could not help laughing.
 
'Don't jump down my throat. I was only trying to make myself polite.'
 
'I don't want your politeness.'
 
'D'you think it's worth while quarrelling with me too?' asked Philip mildly. 'There are so few people you're on speaking terms with, as it is.'
 
'That's my business, isn't it?'
 
'Quite.'
 
He began to work, vaguely10 wondering why Fanny Price made herself so disagreeable. He had come to the conclusion that he thoroughly11 disliked her. Everyone did. People were only civil to her at all from fear of the malice12 of her tongue; for to their faces and behind their backs she said abominable13 things. But Philip was feeling so happy that he did not want even Miss Price to bear ill-feeling towards him. He used the artifice14 which had often before succeeded in banishing15 her ill-humour.
 
'I say, I wish you'd come and look at my drawing. I've got in an awful mess.'
 
'Thank you very much, but I've got something better to do with my time.'
 
Philip stared at her in surprise, for the one thing she could be counted upon to do with alacrity16 was to give advice. She went on quickly in a low voice, savage17 with fury.
 
'Now that Lawson's gone you think you'll put up with me. Thank you very much. Go and find somebody else to help you. I don't want anybody else's leavings.'
 
Lawson had the pedagogic instinct; whenever he found anything out he was eager to impart it; and because he taught with delight he talked with profit. Philip, without thinking anything about it, had got into the habit of sitting by his side; it never occurred to him that Fanny Price was consumed with jealousy18, and watched his acceptance of someone else's tuition with ever-increasing anger.
 
'You were very glad to put up with me when you knew nobody here,' she said bitterly, 'and as soon as you made friends with other people you threw me aside, like an old glove'—she repeated the stale metaphor19 with satisfaction—'like an old glove. All right, I don't care, but I'm not going to be made a fool of another time.'
 
There was a suspicion of truth in what she said, and it made Philip angry enough to answer what first came into his head.
 
'Hang it all, I only asked your advice because I saw it pleased you.'
 
She gave a gasp20 and threw him a sudden look of anguish21. Then two tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked frowsy and grotesque22. Philip, not knowing what on earth this new attitude implied, went back to his work. He was uneasy and conscience-stricken; but he would not go to her and say he was sorry if he had caused her pain, because he was afraid she would take the opportunity to snub him. For two or three weeks she did not speak to him, and, after Philip had got over the discomfort23 of being cut by her, he was somewhat relieved to be free from so difficult a friendship. He had been a little disconcerted by the air of proprietorship24 she assumed over him. She was an extraordinary woman. She came every day to the studio at eight o'clock, and was ready to start working when the model was in position; she worked steadily25, talking to no one, struggling hour after hour with difficulties she could not overcome, and remained till the clock struck twelve. Her work was hopeless. There was not in it the smallest approach even to the mediocre26 achievement at which most of the young persons were able after some months to arrive. She wore every day the same ugly brown dress, with the mud of the last wet day still caked on the hem5 and with the raggedness27, which Philip had noticed the first time he saw her, still unmended.
 
But one day she came up to him, and with a scarlet28 face asked whether she might speak to him afterwards.
 
'Of course, as much as you like,' smiled Philip. 'I'll wait behind at twelve.'
 
He went to her when the day's work was over.
 
'Will you walk a little bit with me?' she said, looking away from him with embarrassment29.
 
'Certainly.'
 
They walked for two or three minutes in silence.
 
'D'you remember what you said to me the other day?' she asked then on a sudden.
 
'Oh, I say, don't let's quarrel,' said Philip. 'It really isn't worth while.'
 
She gave a quick, painful inspiration.
 
'I don't want to quarrel with you. You're the only friend I had in Paris. I thought you rather liked me. I felt there was something between us. I was drawn30 towards you—you know what I mean, your club-foot.'
 
Philip reddened and instinctively31 tried to walk without a limp. He did not like anyone to mention the deformity. He knew what Fanny Price meant. She was ugly and uncouth32, and because he was deformed there was between them a certain sympathy. He was very angry with her, but he forced himself not to speak.
 
'You said you only asked my advice to please me. Don't you think my work's any good?'
 
'I've only seen your drawing at Amitrano's. It's awfully33 hard to judge from that.'
 
'I was wondering if you'd come and look at my other work. I've never asked anyone else to look at it. I should like to show it to you.'
 
'It's awfully kind of you. I'd like to see it very much.'
 
'I live quite near here,' she said apologetically. 'It'll only take you ten minutes.'
 
'Oh, that's all right,' he said.
 
They were walking along the boulevard, and she turned down a side street, then led him into another, poorer still, with cheap shops on the ground floor, and at last stopped. They climbed flight after flight of stairs. She unlocked a door, and they went into a tiny attic34 with a sloping roof and a small window. This was closed and the room had a musty smell. Though it was very cold there was no fire and no sign that there had been one. The bed was unmade. A chair, a chest of drawers which served also as a wash-stand, and a cheap easel, were all the furniture. The place would have been squalid enough in any case, but the litter, the untidiness, made the impression revolting. On the chimney-piece, scattered35 over with paints and brushes, were a cup, a dirty plate, and a tea-pot.
 
'If you'll stand over there I'll put them on the chair so that you can see them better.'
 
She showed him twenty small canvases, about eighteen by twelve. She placed them on the chair, one after the other, watching his face; he nodded as he looked at each one.
 
'You do like them, don't you?' she said anxiously, after a bit.
 
'I just want to look at them all first,' he answered. 'I'll talk afterwards.'
 
He was collecting himself. He was panic-stricken. He did not know what to say. It was not only that they were ill-drawn, or that the colour was put on amateurishly36 by someone who had no eye for it; but there was no attempt at getting the values, and the perspective was grotesque. It looked like the work of a child of five, but a child would have had some naivete and might at least have made an attempt to put down what he saw; but here was the work of a vulgar mind chock full of recollections of vulgar pictures. Philip remembered that she had talked enthusiastically about Monet and the Impressionists, but here were only the worst traditions of the Royal Academy.
 
'There,' she said at last, 'that's the lot.'
 
Philip was no more truthful37 than anybody else, but he had a great difficulty in telling a thundering, deliberate lie, and he blushed furiously when he answered:
 
'I think they're most awfully good.'
 
A faint colour came into her unhealthy cheeks, and she smiled a little.
 
'You needn't say so if you don't think so, you know. I want the truth.'
 
'But I do think so.'
 
'Haven't you got any criticism to offer? There must be some you don't like as well as others.'
 
Philip looked round helplessly. He saw a landscape, the typical picturesque38 'bit' of the amateur, an old bridge, a creeper-clad cottage, and a leafy bank.
 
'Of course I don't pretend to know anything about it,' he said. 'But I wasn't quite sure about the values of that.'
 
She flushed darkly and taking up the picture quickly turned its back to him.
 
'I don't know why you should have chosen that one to sneer39 at. It's the best thing I've ever done. I'm sure my values are all right. That's a thing you can't teach anyone, you either understand values or you don't.'
 
'I think they're all most awfully good,' repeated Philip.
 
She looked at them with an air of self-satisfaction.
 
'I don't think they're anything to be ashamed of.'
 
Philip looked at his watch.
 
'I say, it's getting late. Won't you let me give you a little lunch?'
 
'I've got my lunch waiting for me here.'
 
Philip saw no sign of it, but supposed perhaps the concierge would bring it up when he was gone. He was in a hurry to get away. The mustiness of the room made his head ache.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 guardian 8ekxv     
n.监护人;守卫者,保护者
参考例句:
  • The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
  • The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。
2 attain HvYzX     
vt.达到,获得,完成
参考例句:
  • I used the scientific method to attain this end. 我用科学的方法来达到这一目的。
  • His painstaking to attain his goal in life is praiseworthy. 他为实现人生目标所下的苦功是值得称赞的。
3 interval 85kxY     
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息
参考例句:
  • The interval between the two trees measures 40 feet.这两棵树的间隔是40英尺。
  • There was a long interval before he anwsered the telephone.隔了好久他才回了电话。
4 concierge gppzr     
n.管理员;门房
参考例句:
  • This time the concierge was surprised to the point of bewilderment.这时候看门人惊奇到了困惑不解的地步。
  • As I went into the dining-room the concierge brought me a police bulletin to fill out.我走进餐厅的时候,看门人拿来一张警察局发的表格要我填。
5 hem 7dIxa     
n.贴边,镶边;vt.缝贴边;(in)包围,限制
参考例句:
  • The hem on her skirt needs sewing.她裙子上的褶边需要缝一缝。
  • The hem of your dress needs to be let down an inch.你衣服的折边有必要放长1英寸。
6 deformed iutzwV     
adj.畸形的;变形的;丑的,破相了的
参考例句:
  • He was born with a deformed right leg.他出生时右腿畸形。
  • His body was deformed by leprosy.他的身体因为麻风病变形了。
7 morbid u6qz3     
adj.病的;致病的;病态的;可怕的
参考例句:
  • Some people have a morbid fascination with crime.一些人对犯罪有一种病态的痴迷。
  • It's morbid to dwell on cemeteries and such like.不厌其烦地谈论墓地以及诸如此类的事是一种病态。
8 lighting CpszPL     
n.照明,光线的明暗,舞台灯光
参考例句:
  • The gas lamp gradually lost ground to electric lighting.煤气灯逐渐为电灯所代替。
  • The lighting in that restaurant is soft and romantic.那个餐馆照明柔和而且浪漫。
9 pyjamas 5SSx4     
n.(宽大的)睡衣裤
参考例句:
  • This pyjamas has many repairs.这件睡衣有许多修补过的地方。
  • Martin was in his pyjamas.马丁穿着睡衣。
10 vaguely BfuzOy     
adv.含糊地,暖昧地
参考例句:
  • He had talked vaguely of going to work abroad.他含糊其词地说了到国外工作的事。
  • He looked vaguely before him with unseeing eyes.他迷迷糊糊的望着前面,对一切都视而不见。
11 thoroughly sgmz0J     
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地
参考例句:
  • The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
  • The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。
12 malice P8LzW     
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋
参考例句:
  • I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
  • There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。
13 abominable PN5zs     
adj.可厌的,令人憎恶的
参考例句:
  • Their cruel treatment of prisoners was abominable.他们虐待犯人的做法令人厌恶。
  • The sanitary conditions in this restaurant are abominable.这家饭馆的卫生状况糟透了。
14 artifice 3NxyI     
n.妙计,高明的手段;狡诈,诡计
参考例句:
  • The use of mirrors in a room is an artifice to make the room look larger.利用镜子装饰房间是使房间显得大一点的巧妙办法。
  • He displayed a great deal of artifice in decorating his new house.他在布置新房子中表现出富有的技巧。
15 banishing 359bf2285192b48a299687d5082c4aed     
v.放逐,驱逐( banish的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • And he breathes out fast, like a king banishing a servant. 他呼气则非常迅速,像一个国王驱逐自己的奴仆。 来自互联网
  • Banishing genetic disability must therefore be our primary concern. 消除基因缺陷是我们的首要之急。 来自互联网
16 alacrity MfFyL     
n.敏捷,轻快,乐意
参考例句:
  • Although the man was very old,he still moved with alacrity.他虽然很老,动作仍很敏捷。
  • He accepted my invitation with alacrity.他欣然接受我的邀请。
17 savage ECxzR     
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人
参考例句:
  • The poor man received a savage beating from the thugs.那可怜的人遭到暴徒的痛打。
  • He has a savage temper.他脾气粗暴。
18 jealousy WaRz6     
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌
参考例句:
  • Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
  • I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。
19 metaphor o78zD     
n.隐喻,暗喻
参考例句:
  • Using metaphor,we say that computers have senses and a memory.打个比方,我们可以说计算机有感觉和记忆力。
  • In poetry the rose is often a metaphor for love.玫瑰在诗中通常作为爱的象征。
20 gasp UfxzL     
n.喘息,气喘;v.喘息;气吁吁他说
参考例句:
  • She gave a gasp of surprise.她吃惊得大口喘气。
  • The enemy are at their last gasp.敌人在做垂死的挣扎。
21 anguish awZz0     
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼
参考例句:
  • She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时,她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
  • The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
22 grotesque O6ryZ     
adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物)
参考例句:
  • His face has a grotesque appearance.他的面部表情十分怪。
  • Her account of the incident was a grotesque distortion of the truth.她对这件事的陈述是荒诞地歪曲了事实。
23 discomfort cuvxN     
n.不舒服,不安,难过,困难,不方便
参考例句:
  • One has to bear a little discomfort while travelling.旅行中总要忍受一点不便。
  • She turned red with discomfort when the teacher spoke.老师讲话时她不好意思地红着脸。
24 proprietorship 1Rcx5     
n.所有(权);所有权
参考例句:
  • A sole proprietorship ends with the incapacity or death of the owner. 当业主无力经营或死亡的时候,这家个体企业也就宣告结束。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件
  • This company has a proprietorship of the copyright. 这家公司拥有版权所有权。 来自辞典例句
25 steadily Qukw6     
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地
参考例句:
  • The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
  • Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。
26 mediocre 57gza     
adj.平常的,普通的
参考例句:
  • The student tried hard,but his work is mediocre. 该生学习刻苦,但学业平庸。
  • Only lazybones and mediocre persons could hanker after the days of messing together.只有懒汉庸才才会留恋那大锅饭的年代。
27 raggedness a3341ea89ad1d763beb6e9467f643c54     
破烂,粗糙
参考例句:
28 scarlet zD8zv     
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的
参考例句:
  • The scarlet leaves of the maples contrast well with the dark green of the pines.深红的枫叶和暗绿的松树形成了明显的对比。
  • The glowing clouds are growing slowly pale,scarlet,bright red,and then light red.天空的霞光渐渐地淡下去了,深红的颜色变成了绯红,绯红又变为浅红。
29 embarrassment fj9z8     
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫
参考例句:
  • She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
  • Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。
30 drawn MuXzIi     
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的
参考例句:
  • All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
  • Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。
31 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
32 uncouth DHryn     
adj.无教养的,粗鲁的
参考例句:
  • She may embarrass you with her uncouth behavior.她的粗野行为可能会让你尴尬。
  • His nephew is an uncouth young man.他的侄子是一个粗野的年轻人。
33 awfully MPkym     
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地
参考例句:
  • Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
  • I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。
34 attic Hv4zZ     
n.顶楼,屋顶室
参考例句:
  • Leakiness in the roof caused a damp attic.屋漏使顶楼潮湿。
  • What's to be done with all this stuff in the attic?顶楼上的材料怎么处理?
35 scattered 7jgzKF     
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的
参考例句:
  • Gathering up his scattered papers,he pushed them into his case.他把散乱的文件收拾起来,塞进文件夹里。
36 amateurishly 21bae98f5458191c113235246217b4ec     
adv.外行地,生手地
参考例句:
  • He performed the piece amateurishly. 他演了一段,不是很专业。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • A heavy black volume, amateurishly bound, with no name or title on the cover. 这是一本黑面厚书,自己装订的,封面上没有书名或作者名字。 来自英汉文学
37 truthful OmpwN     
adj.真实的,说实话的,诚实的
参考例句:
  • You can count on him for a truthful report of the accident.你放心,他会对事故作出如实的报告的。
  • I don't think you are being entirely truthful.我认为你并没全讲真话。
38 picturesque qlSzeJ     
adj.美丽如画的,(语言)生动的,绘声绘色的
参考例句:
  • You can see the picturesque shores beside the river.在河边你可以看到景色如画的两岸。
  • That was a picturesque phrase.那是一个形象化的说法。
39 sneer YFdzu     
v.轻蔑;嘲笑;n.嘲笑,讥讽的言语
参考例句:
  • He said with a sneer.他的话中带有嘲笑之意。
  • You may sneer,but a lot of people like this kind of music.你可以嗤之以鼻,但很多人喜欢这种音乐。
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