Of Human Bondage 人性的枷锁 Chapter 57
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Philip arrived at Victoria Station nearly half an hour before the time which Mildred had appointed, and sat down in the second-class waiting-room. He waited and she did not come. He began to grow anxious, and walked into the station watching the incoming suburban2 trains; the hour which she had fixed3 passed, and still there was no sign of her. Philip was impatient. He went into the other waiting-rooms and looked at the people sitting in them. Suddenly his heart gave a great thud.
'There you are. I thought you were never coming.'
'I like that after keeping me waiting all this time. I had half a mind to go back home again.'
'But you said you'd come to the second-class waiting-room.'
'I didn't say any such thing. It isn't exactly likely I'd sit in the second-class room when I could sit in the first is it?'
Though Philip was sure he had not made a mistake, he said nothing, and they got into a cab.
'Where are we dining?' she asked.
'I thought of the Adelphi Restaurant. Will that suit you?'
'I don't mind where we dine.'
She spoke4 ungraciously. She was put out by being kept waiting and answered Philip's attempt at conversation with monosyllables. She wore a long cloak of some rough, dark material and a crochet5 shawl over her head. They reached the restaurant and sat down at a table. She looked round with satisfaction. The red shades to the candles on the tables, the gold of the decorations, the looking-glasses, lent the room a sumptuous6 air.
'I've never been here before.'
She gave Philip a smile. She had taken off her cloak; and he saw that she wore a pale blue dress, cut square at the neck; and her hair was more elaborately arranged than ever. He had ordered champagne7 and when it came her eyes sparkled.
'You are going it,' she said.
'Because I've ordered fiz?' he asked carelessly, as though he never drank anything else.
'I WAS surprised when you asked me to do a theatre with you.' Conversation did not go very easily, for she did not seem to have much to say; and Philip was nervously8 conscious that he was not amusing her. She listened carelessly to his remarks, with her eyes on other diners, and made no pretence9 that she was interested in him. He made one or two little jokes, but she took them quite seriously. The only sign of vivacity10 he got was when he spoke of the other girls in the shop; she could not bear the manageress and told him all her misdeeds at length.
'I can't stick her at any price and all the air she gives herself. Sometimes I've got more than half a mind to tell her something she doesn't think I know anything about.'
'What is that?' asked Philip.
'Well, I happen to know that she's not above going to Eastbourne with a man for the week-end now and again. One of the girls has a married sister who goes there with her husband, and she's seen her. She was staying at the same boarding-house, and she 'ad a wedding-ring on, and I know for one she's not married.'
Philip filled her glass, hoping that champagne would make her more affable; he was anxious that his little jaunt11 should be a success. He noticed that she held her knife as though it were a pen-holder, and when she drank protruded12 her little finger. He started several topics of conversation, but he could get little out of her, and he remembered with irritation13 that he had seen her talking nineteen to the dozen and laughing with the German. They finished dinner and went to the play. Philip was a very cultured young man, and he looked upon musical comedy with scorn. He thought the jokes vulgar and the melodies obvious; it seemed to him that they did these things much better in France; but Mildred enjoyed herself thoroughly14; she laughed till her sides ached, looking at Philip now and then when something tickled15 her to exchange a glance of pleasure; and she applauded rapturously.
'This is the seventh time I've been,' she said, after the first act, 'and I don't mind if I come seven times more.'
She was much interested in the women who surrounded them in the stalls. She pointed1 out to Philip those who were painted and those who wore false hair.
'It is horrible, these West-end people,' she said. 'I don't know how they can do it.' She put her hand to her hair. 'Mine's all my own, every bit of it.'
She found no one to admire, and whenever she spoke of anyone it was to say something disagreeable. It made Philip uneasy. He supposed that next day she would tell the girls in the shop that he had taken her out and that he had bored her to death. He disliked her, and yet, he knew not why, he wanted to be with her. On the way home he asked:
'I hope you've enjoyed yourself?'
'Will you come out with me again one evening?'
'I don't mind.'
He could never get beyond such expressions as that. Her indifference16 maddened him.
'That sounds as if you didn't much care if you came or not.'
'Oh, if you don't take me out some other fellow will. I need never want for men who'll take me to the theatre.'
Philip was silent. They came to the station, and he went to the booking-office.
'I've got my season,' she said.
'I thought I'd take you home as it's rather late, if you don't mind.'
'Oh, I don't mind if it gives you any pleasure.'
He took a single first for her and a return for himself.
'Well, you're not mean, I will say that for you,' she said, when he opened the carriage-door.
Philip did not know whether he was pleased or sorry when other people entered and it was impossible to speak. They got out at Herne Hill, and he accompanied her to the corner of the road in which she lived.
'I'll say good-night to you here,' she said, holding out her hand. 'You'd better not come up to the door. I know what people are, and I don't want to have anybody talking.'
She said good-night and walked quickly away. He could see the white shawl in the darkness. He thought she might turn round, but she did not. Philip saw which house she went into, and in a moment he walked along to look at it. It was a trim, common little house of yellow brick, exactly like all the other little houses in the street. He stood outside for a few minutes, and presently the window on the top floor was darkened. Philip strolled slowly back to the station. The evening had been unsatisfactory. He felt irritated, restless, and miserable17.
When he lay in bed he seemed still to see her sitting in the corner of the railway carriage, with the white crochet shawl over her head. He did not know how he was to get through the hours that must pass before his eyes rested on her again. He thought drowsily18 of her thin face, with its delicate features, and the greenish pallor of her skin. He was not happy with her, but he was unhappy away from her. He wanted to sit by her side and look at her, he wanted to touch her, he wanted... the thought came to him and he did not finish it, suddenly he grew wide awake... he wanted to kiss the thin, pale mouth with its narrow lips. The truth came to him at last. He was in love with her. It was incredible.
He had often thought of falling in love, and there was one scene which he had pictured to himself over and over again. He saw himself coming into a ball-room; his eyes fell on a little group of men and women talking; and one of the women turned round. Her eyes fell upon him, and he knew that the gasp19 in his throat was in her throat too. He stood quite still. She was tall and dark and beautiful with eyes like the night; she was dressed in white, and in her black hair shone diamonds; they stared at one another, forgetting that people surrounded them. He went straight up to her, and she moved a little towards him. Both felt that the formality of introduction was out of place. He spoke to her.
'I've been looking for you all my life,' he said.
'You've come at last,' she murmured.
'Will you dance with me?'
She surrendered herself to his outstretched hands and they danced. (Philip always pretended that he was not lame20.) She danced divinely.
'I've never danced with anyone who danced like you,' she said.
She tore up her programme, and they danced together the whole evening.
'I'm so thankful that I waited for you,' he said to her. 'I knew that in the end I must meet you.'
People in the ball-room stared. They did not care. They did not wish to hide their passion. At last they went into the garden. He flung a light cloak over her shoulders and put her in a waiting cab. They caught the midnight train to Paris; and they sped through the silent, star-lit night into the unknown.
He thought of this old fancy of his, and it seemed impossible that he should be in love with Mildred Rogers. Her name was grotesque21. He did not think her pretty; he hated the thinness of her, only that evening he had noticed how the bones of her chest stood out in evening-dress; he went over her features one by one; he did not like her mouth, and the unhealthiness of her colour vaguely22 repelled23 him. She was common. Her phrases, so bald and few, constantly repeated, showed the emptiness of her mind; he recalled her vulgar little laugh at the jokes of the musical comedy; and he remembered the little finger carefully extended when she held her glass to her mouth; her manners like her conversation, were odiously24 genteel. He remembered her insolence25; sometimes he had felt inclined to box her ears; and suddenly, he knew not why, perhaps it was the thought of hitting her or the recollection of her tiny, beautiful ears, he was seized by an uprush of emotion. He yearned26 for her. He thought of taking her in his arms, the thin, fragile body, and kissing her pale mouth: he wanted to pass his fingers down the slightly greenish cheeks. He wanted her.
He had thought of love as a rapture27 which seized one so that all the world seemed spring-like, he had looked forward to an ecstatic happiness; but this was not happiness; it was a hunger of the soul, it was a painful yearning28, it was a bitter anguish29, he had never known before. He tried to think when it had first come to him. He did not know. He only remembered that each time he had gone into the shop, after the first two or three times, it had been with a little feeling in the heart that was pain; and he remembered that when she spoke to him he felt curiously30 breathless. When she left him it was wretchedness, and when she came to him again it was despair.
He stretched himself in his bed as a dog stretches himself. He wondered how he was going to endure that ceaseless aching of his soul.


1 pointed Il8zB4     
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
2 suburban Usywk     
  • Suburban shopping centers were springing up all over America. 效区的商业中心在美国如雨后春笋般地兴起。
  • There's a lot of good things about suburban living.郊区生活是有许多优点。
3 fixed JsKzzj     
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
4 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
5 crochet qzExU     
  • That's a black crochet waistcoat.那是一件用钩针编织的黑色马甲。
  • She offered to teach me to crochet rugs.她提出要教我钩织小地毯。
6 sumptuous Rqqyl     
  • The guests turned up dressed in sumptuous evening gowns.客人们身着华丽的夜礼服出现了。
  • We were ushered into a sumptuous dining hall.我们被领进一个豪华的餐厅。
7 champagne iwBzh3     
  • There were two glasses of champagne on the tray.托盘里有两杯香槟酒。
  • They sat there swilling champagne.他们坐在那里大喝香槟酒。
8 nervously tn6zFp     
  • He bit his lip nervously,trying not to cry.他紧张地咬着唇,努力忍着不哭出来。
  • He paced nervously up and down on the platform.他在站台上情绪不安地走来走去。
9 pretence pretence     
  • The government abandoned any pretence of reform. 政府不再装模作样地进行改革。
  • He made a pretence of being happy at the party.晚会上他假装很高兴。
10 vivacity ZhBw3     
  • Her charm resides in her vivacity.她的魅力存在于她的活泼。
  • He was charmed by her vivacity and high spirits.她的活泼与兴高采烈的情绪把他迷住了。
11 jaunt F3dxj     
  • They are off for a day's jaunt to the beach.他们出去到海边玩一天。
  • They jaunt about quite a lot,especially during the summer.他们常常到处闲逛,夏天更是如此。
12 protruded ebe69790c4eedce2f4fb12105fc9e9ac     
v.(使某物)伸出,(使某物)突出( protrude的过去式和过去分词 )
  • The child protruded his tongue. 那小孩伸出舌头。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The creature's face seemed to be protruded, because of its bent carriage. 那人的脑袋似乎向前突出,那是因为身子佝偻的缘故。 来自英汉文学
13 irritation la9zf     
  • He could not hide his irritation that he had not been invited.他无法掩饰因未被邀请而生的气恼。
  • Barbicane said nothing,but his silence covered serious irritation.巴比康什么也不说,但是他的沉默里潜伏着阴郁的怒火。
14 thoroughly sgmz0J     
  • The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
  • The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。
15 tickled 2db1470d48948f1aa50b3cf234843b26     
(使)发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)愉快,逗乐
  • We were tickled pink to see our friends on television. 在电视中看到我们的一些朋友,我们高兴极了。
  • I tickled the baby's feet and made her laugh. 我胳肢孩子的脚,使她发笑。
16 indifference k8DxO     
  • I was disappointed by his indifference more than somewhat.他的漠不关心使我很失望。
  • He feigned indifference to criticism of his work.他假装毫不在意别人批评他的作品。
17 miserable g18yk     
  • It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他,这是可耻的。
  • Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。
18 drowsily bcb5712d84853637a9778f81fc50d847     
  • She turned drowsily on her side, a slow creeping blackness enveloping her mind. 她半睡半醒地翻了个身,一片缓缓蠕动的黑暗渐渐将她的心包围起来。 来自飘(部分)
  • I felt asleep drowsily before I knew it. 不知过了多久,我曚扙地睡着了。 来自互联网
19 gasp UfxzL     
  • She gave a gasp of surprise.她吃惊得大口喘气。
  • The enemy are at their last gasp.敌人在做垂死的挣扎。
20 lame r9gzj     
  • The lame man needs a stick when he walks.那跛脚男子走路时需借助拐棍。
  • I don't believe his story.It'sounds a bit lame.我不信他讲的那一套。他的话听起来有些靠不住。
21 grotesque O6ryZ     
  • His face has a grotesque appearance.他的面部表情十分怪。
  • Her account of the incident was a grotesque distortion of the truth.她对这件事的陈述是荒诞地歪曲了事实。
22 vaguely BfuzOy     
  • He had talked vaguely of going to work abroad.他含糊其词地说了到国外工作的事。
  • He looked vaguely before him with unseeing eyes.他迷迷糊糊的望着前面,对一切都视而不见。
23 repelled 1f6f5c5c87abe7bd26a5c5deddd88c92     
v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 );使厌恶;排斥;推开
  • They repelled the enemy. 他们击退了敌军。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The minister tremulously, but decidedly, repelled the old man's arm. 而丁梅斯代尔牧师却哆里哆嗦地断然推开了那老人的胳臂。 来自英汉文学 - 红字
24 odiously db872913b403542bebc7e471b5d8fcd7     
  • Your action so odiously is very strange. 你的行为如此恶劣是很奇怪的。 来自辞典例句
25 insolence insolence     
  • I've had enough of your insolence, and I'm having no more. 我受够了你的侮辱,不能再容忍了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • How can you suffer such insolence? 你怎么能容忍这种蛮横的态度? 来自《简明英汉词典》
26 yearned df1a28ecd1f3c590db24d0d80c264305     
渴望,切盼,向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 )
  • The people yearned for peace. 人民渴望和平。
  • She yearned to go back to the south. 她渴望回到南方去。
27 rapture 9STzG     
  • His speech was received with rapture by his supporters.他的演说受到支持者们的热烈欢迎。
  • In the midst of his rapture,he was interrupted by his father.他正欢天喜地,被他父亲打断了。
28 yearning hezzPJ     
  • a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
  • He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。
29 anguish awZz0     
  • She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时,她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
  • The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
30 curiously 3v0zIc     
  • He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
  • He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。
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