如何做一名好听众 How to Be a Good Listener

    When I first went to London as a student I sat alone during parties with my glass of wine. I hoped people would think that someone might come up to me and say, “Excuse me! I hope you won’t mind my coming up to you like this, I don’t want to interrupt your thoughts… but really, you are the only interesting looking person in the room! May I talk to you?”

    It never happened!

    Here is some advice if you would like to be a good conversationalist: be an attentive¹ listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. To be interesting, be interested! Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Encourage hem² to talk about themselves and what they have done.

    Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine³ in China which kills 1 million people. A pain in one’s arm interests one more than 40 earthquake in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

    Diogenes, the Greek philosopher⁴ who is supposed to have lived in a barrel⁵, said, “The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so that we may listen more and talk less!”

    Do you know how to get on with people? Do you ever feel shy? What situation makes you shy? Do you sometimes feel as if you don’t know how to interest and amuse people and have conversations with them? Do you search desperately⁶ in your head for something to say? Do people find an excuse to leave you as soon as they can?

    Try listening! Here are some more recommendations⁷ about listening: (A neighbor of mine talking about her child) ‘One evening last week I was sitting with Hannah, and she said to me, “You are a marvelous⁸ mum!” And I said, “Well do you say that suddenly?” And she said, “Well, although you are always busy you always stop what you are doing to listen to me.”’(From How to Talk your Way to Success in Selling) ‘You have to force your buyer to talk … to enter the conversation… if you expect to talk your way to successful sale. The only way you can do this is to stop talking yourself and listen.’ 

    “Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice.” (From Hamlet)

    Airline employees are taught how to listen to complaints. If they are able to show sympathy and to listen long enough the passenger’s problem will begin to seem less important.

    Psychologists, counselors⁹ and doctors also know that listening is part of their job. If they listen with care and concern the patient may even solve the problem! They are professional listeners. Here is some advice they give. 

    I: Show the other person that you are listening.

    II: Look at them.

    III: Smile and nod quite often.

    IV: and shake you head or raise your eyebrows¹⁰ if you don’t follow what they are saying.

    V: Don’t tap your foot because this will show impatience¹¹.

    VI: Don’t look at your watch unless you really have to know the time, (and then you should tell the other person why you need to know the time). If you show impatience then the other person will lose the moment of friendship which they are offering.

    A good listener has magic! A good listener has the ability to make people feel good, and is as valuable at a party as a good talker. But just listening isn’t enough. One should listen intelligently by trying to find out what the other person would really like to communicate.