Vodka Advice

时间：2007-02-05 02:08:21

（单词翻译:单击）

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip2."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp3.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples4, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated5, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered6 his donkey, he did not bet his ass1.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew7 Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin8 Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


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1 ass qvyzK     
n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人
参考例句：
  • He is not an ass as they make him.他不象大家猜想的那样笨。
  • An ass endures his burden but not more than his burden.驴能负重但不能超过它能力所负担的。
2 sip Oxawv     
v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量
参考例句：
  • She took a sip of the cocktail.她啜饮一口鸡尾酒。
  • Elizabeth took a sip of the hot coffee.伊丽莎白呷了一口热咖啡。
3 gulp yQ0z6     
vt.吞咽，大口地吸（气）；vi.哽住；n.吞咽
参考例句：
  • She took down the tablets in one gulp.她把那些药片一口吞了下去。
  • Don't gulp your food,chew it before you swallow it.吃东西不要狼吞虎咽，要嚼碎了再咽下去。
4 disciples e24b5e52634d7118146b7b4e56748cac     
n.信徒( disciple的名词复数 )；门徒；耶稣的信徒；（尤指）耶稣十二门徒之一
参考例句：
  • Judas was one of the twelve disciples of Jesus. 犹大是耶稣十二门徒之一。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • "The names of the first two disciples were --" “最初的两个门徒的名字是——” 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
5 consecrated consecrated     
adj.神圣的，被视为神圣的v.把…奉为神圣，给…祝圣( consecrate的过去式和过去分词 )；奉献
参考例句：
  • The church was consecrated in 1853. 这座教堂于1853年祝圣。
  • They consecrated a temple to their god. 他们把庙奉献给神。 来自《简明英汉词典》
6 wagered b6112894868d522e6463e9ec15bdee79     
v.在（某物）上赌钱，打赌( wager的过去式和过去分词 )；保证，担保
参考例句：
  • She always wagered on an outsider. 她总是把赌注押在不大可能获胜的马上。
  • They wagered on the flesh, but knowing they were to lose. 他们把赌注下在肉体上，心里却明白必输无疑。 来自互联网
7 slew 8TMz0     
v.（使）旋转；n.大量，许多
参考例句：
  • He slewed the car against the side of the building.他的车滑到了大楼的一侧，抵住了。
  • They dealt with a slew of other issues.他们处理了大量的其他问题。
8 virgin phPwj     
n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的
参考例句：
  • Have you ever been to a virgin forest?你去过原始森林吗？
  • There are vast expanses of virgin land in the remote regions.在边远地区有大片大片未开垦的土地。

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