和老外交往容易犯的六个错误

    奥运盛事，中外友人齐聚一堂，共睹赛况。How cultural differences can lead to difficulties when foreigners and Chinese meet? 体育无国界，友谊无国界。看看今天的flash对话，学点中外社交技巧，今年的盛夏将格外精彩。

　　Cultural Differences 中西对比

　　There is a table which compares Chinese and English native speakers with respect to certain cultural conventions¹. 中西差异的实例，不得不看。

　　Situation1

　　英国人对家人的帮忙会说谢谢；而中国人认为帮助家里人是一种义务，所以无需言谢。

　　Interactions: help between family members

　　Conventions: politeness

　　Chinese Conventions: one's own obligation², no need to thank or be thanked

　　British and American Conventions: Expect polite expressions like 'please', 'thank you', etc.

　　Situation2

　　外国人觉得中国人对待他们是十分友好的，但是有时候会问出一些令他们感到尴尬的问题，比如问他们的年龄和工资。

　　Interactions: conversation between people meeting for the first time

　　Conventions: conversational³ topics, privacy⁴, taboo⁵, openness, directness

　　Chinese Conventions: Many Chinese people tend to ask about age, marital⁶ status, and even salary when first meeting one another. To them, these are open conversational topics. Knowing a person's age helps them use appropriate terms of address, such as 'Lao Wang', 'Xiao Li', or kin⁷ terms such as 'uncle' or 'aunt', etc. And Chinese people pay a lot of attention to family life, so naturally talk of family members features as a common topic. As to salary, since there is a national system of salaries, people usually don't consider it a secret and they talk about it openly.

　　British and American Conventions: In Britain, weather and sports are common topics. Some taboo questions: age, marriage and salary. These are considered too private or too personal to talk about when first meeting someone.

        Situation3

　　中国人结伴出游的时候，如果买什么东西，去买的人一般都会按照人头购买，即便有人客气地说不要；和外国人结伴出游，如果你客气地推说不需要某样东西，那么对方真的就不会给你买。

　　Interactions: offering refreshments⁸ or drinks

　　Conventions: politeness, individual decision

　　Chinese Conventions: When a Chinese offers refreshments or drinks to his colleague, his colleague often declines⁹ the offer politely, because he doesn't want to trouble the person who offers and it also shows his politeness. Normally the person who offers still prepares or buys refreshments or drinks, and this will be expected by his colleague. Sharing food and drink when going out together is common among colleagues and friends.

　　British and American Conventions: Respect one's own decision, 'yes' means one wants it, 'no' means one doesn't, politeness is usually shown by the expression 'thank you' or 'please'.

　　Situation4

　　当外国人听到中国人称呼他们为“老外”的时候，他们心里是不高兴的，因为他们觉得自己并不老，且很健康。而当他们听到中国人管外国小孩也叫“老外”的时候，他们才明白“老”其实是对某个人的尊称，比如老张，老王。

　　Interactions: using 'Lao' to address someone

　　Conventions: politeness, respect, directness, intimacy¹⁰

　　Chinese Conventions: 'Lao ' is a commonly used term by Chinese people to address someone who is older than the speaker to show his politeness, respect and closeness, e.g. 'Lao Zhang', 'Lao Wang '. The term does not necessarily mean old age. 'Lao Wai ' is a colloquial¹¹ term of address for foreigners.

　　British and American Conventions: Dislike being labelled as 'old', being young valued above being old.

       Whose Treat 谁来掏钱

　　When someone suggests going for a meal at a restaurant, who is going to pay the bill? 谁邀请谁掏钱，真的如此吗？

　　我们中国人可能会奇怪了：这个问题还用问吗？谁提出来出去吃饭，谁就请客呗。可是，外国人可不是这么想的。

　　让我们先来阅读一篇相关文章：

　　Footing the bill

　　Footing the bill now is an interesting expression. It means to pay for the cost of something when the bill is presented, as at the end of a meal. But why footing? Probably the term comes from the way hotel guests who are eating at the hotel's restaurant pay for their meals. In many hotels instead of paying cash there and then guests can simply sign the bill when it is presented at the end of the meal and have the amount added to what they will pay for their rooms. And where do they sign the bill? At the bottom or, in other words, the foot. Nowadays the phrase to foot the bill applies to anyone who is going to pay for, say, a dinner out.

　　But who should foot the bill? In America and England it is quite common for friends to share the cost of the meal equally between them, to go Dutch, as we say. Hence in China you can come across the sight of Westerners at the end of a meal busily pooling their money in order to put together the right amount to pay the bill. All this before bemused Chinese who would typically rather fight over who is to pick up the tab, thinking it seems mean to only pay for oneself. In fact to Western eyes going Dutch, splitting¹² the bill, implies equality between friends. Invited out by one's boss one would not expect to pay, but to grab¹³ the bill when with friends and refuse to let them contribute may seem to some to suggest that they are too poor to pay their own way. On other occasions, however, Westerners will treat a friend to a meal and then, as in China, there is usually the expectation that the guest will return the favour by inviting¹⁴ the host to a meal later. The same thing applies, of course, if they invite one another to their homes. When meeting at a pub for drinks, a popular pastime¹⁵ in England, each person in the group will take it in turns to buy his round, asking everyone what they would like and then going to the bar to get the drinks. Those who don't buy a round when it is their turn are frowned upon. While no one is likely to complain to their face they may well earn a reputation as scroungers and be gossiped about behind their backs if they do it habitually¹⁶.

        文章中出现的有用词组：

　　go Dutch: Share the cost of the meal equally between friends.

　　pool their money: Put together the right amount of money to pay the bill.

　　pick up the tab: Grab the bill to pay. ('Tab' in this idiom means 'bill'. )

　　buy his round: Ask everyone what they would like and then go to the bar to get the drinks.

　　看下表，中英吃饭谁付款的答案一目了然。

　　China England

　　common way of settling the bill host pays share the cost

　　to pay for oneself implies meanness equality between friends

　　expectations should return favour no need to return favour

        What to Take 送些什么

　　Make you aware of some Chinese conventions of bringing gifts and how these may differ from those of Westerners. 送礼不在多，而是要送到点子上。

　　Tony 受邀去他的中国同事家里玩。虽然玩得很尽兴，但他似乎有一点点不愉快。到底发生了什么事情？让我们来听听Tony 跟他的好友Bill说了些什么。

　　Bill: Hi Tony. How're you doing?

　　Tony: Fine. Just got back from visiting the home of one of my Chinese colleagues.

　　Bill: Oh, have a good time?

　　Tony: Oh yes, very good. Mind you, I was bit hurt about the way they treated my present. You see, I know they like Western music so I brought them back some of the latest tapes from the UK. Had them all wrapped up beautifully and gave them to them as soon as I got inside the door and what do you think happened?

　　Bill: What?

　　Tony: Nothing. Well, more or less. They said thank you but then just put them away in a corner. Didn't even bother to unwrap them. I must say I felt a bit miffed after all the trouble I'd taken.

　　1. What did Tony bring with him as a gift for his Chinese colleague?

　　因为Tony知道中国同事喜欢西方音乐，所以就送给他最新的唱片。

　　2. Did Tony wrap up the tapes?

　　Tony精心包装了他的礼物。

　　3. When Tony gave his Chinese hosts the gift, what did they do?

　　Tony的同事仅仅表示了一下感谢，然后就把礼物撂在一边。

　　4. What did Tony expect them to do?

　　Tony希望他的同事能够当面打开礼物，然后对他的礼物夸奖一番。

　　In the West , it is regarded as polite to open gifts as soon as they are given to express appreciation¹⁷. In China, the situation is quite the reverse¹⁸. Normally we Chinese feel that if you open the gift as soon as it is given, you might embarrass the person who gives the gift and you might be thought greedy. So Chinese people tend to open the gifts after the visitors have left. What is more, many people send gifts without wrapping them, and if they wrap them, they usually tell the receiver what is inside, and the receiver will thank the sender and put the gift aside without unwrapping them since they already know what is inside. However, when we receive gifts from an English native speaker, in order to avoid misunderstanding, we may follow their custom by opening the gifts in front of him or her and express our appreciation.

　　中西方去朋友家做客送礼的差别：

　　中国人送礼喜欢成双，比如说两瓶酒，两条烟。一是为了显示自己不是小气人，二是为了讨个吉利数字。去朋友或者亲戚家做客，拎点水果是非常普遍的情况。

　　但是，在西方，人们送酒的时候都是只送一瓶。 One is quite enough, two are of course welcome but unusual and not expected. 因为他们吃饭的时候要喝客人带来的酒，如果客人拿了两瓶，似乎表明客人是个酒鬼，他恐怕一瓶酒不够喝。

　　去朋友家做客一般也不送水果。水果一般是作为看望病人时候的礼物。