Joke: The Resume Bloopers

时间：2007-03-10 01:31:47

（单词翻译:单击）

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate1 with my extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson2 of the Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity3 leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

10. I was working for my mom until she decided4 to move.

11. Failed bar exam with relatively5 high grades.

12. Marital6 status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate7, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18. As indicted8, I have over five years of analyzing9 investments.

19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22. Marital status: often. Children: various.

23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat10, just like my three previous employers.

25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
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1 commiserate OnlyD     
v.怜悯，同情
参考例句：
  • When I lost,he commiserated with me.我落败的时候，他向我表示同情。
  • I commiserated with her on the loss of her job.她失去了工作，我很同情她。
2 salesperson 7Yoxa     
n.售货员，营业员，店员
参考例句：
  • A salesperson works in a shop.售货员在商店工作。
  • Vanessa is a salesperson in a woman's wear department.凡妮莎是女装部的售货员。
3 maturity 47nzh     
n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期
参考例句：
  • These plants ought to reach maturity after five years.这些植物五年后就该长成了。
  • This is the period at which the body attains maturity.这是身体发育成熟的时期。
4 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
5 relatively bkqzS3     
adv.比较...地，相对地
参考例句：
  • The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
  • The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。
6 marital SBixg     
adj.婚姻的，夫妻的
参考例句：
  • Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
  • I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。
7 procrastinate 1ieyC     
v.耽搁，拖延
参考例句：
  • Most often we procrastinate when faced with something we do not want to do.面对不想做的事情，我们经常拖延。
  • It's easy to procrastinate when the deadline seems infinitely far away.当最终期限总是遥遥无期时是很容易延期的。
8 indicted 4fe8f0223a4e14ee670547b1a8076e20     
控告，起诉( indict的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • The senator was indicted for murder. 那位参议员被控犯谋杀罪。
  • He was indicted by a grand jury on two counts of murder. 他被大陪审团以两项谋杀罪名起诉。
9 analyzing be408cc8d92ec310bb6260bc127c162b     
v.分析；分析( analyze的现在分词 )；分解；解释；对…进行心理分析n.分析
参考例句：
  • Analyzing the date of some socialist countries presents even greater problem s. 分析某些社会主义国家的统计数据，暴露出的问题甚至更大。 来自辞典例句
  • He undoubtedly was not far off the mark in analyzing its predictions. 当然，他对其预测所作的分析倒也八九不离十。 来自辞典例句
10 scapegoat 2DpyL     
n.替罪的羔羊，替人顶罪者；v.使…成为替罪羊
参考例句：
  • He has been made a scapegoat for the company's failures.他成了公司倒闭的替罪羊。
  • They ask me to join the party so that I'll be their scapegoat when trouble comes.他们想叫我入伙，出了乱子，好让我替他们垫背。

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