He Said, She Said

He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear pants don't you?

 

He said...Shall we try swapping¹ positions tonight?

She said...That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing² board while I sit on the sofa.

 

He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery³ money I gave you?

She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

 

On a wall in a ladies room..."My husband follows me everywhere"

Written just below it... "I do not"

 

Q.How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A.Both of them.

 

Q.How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A.He buys two cases of beer. 

 

Q.What is the difference between men and government bonds⁴?

A.The bonds mature⁵.

 

Q.Why are blonde jokes so short?

A.So men can remember them.

 

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A.We don't know; it has never happened.

 

Q.What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A. A widow⁶.

 

Q.Why are married women heavier than single women?

A.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

Q.What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

A.They're married.

 

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb⁷?"

God says: "So she would love you."

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